Parts of a Whole: Lilacs and Candle Smoke
by GrimBarillian
Summary: Raven has a secret life, one where she is free to have fun and experience her emotions, when the emotion she discovers is love how long can she enjoy it before she discovers the man she loves is not who she thinks he is? More than that, when she discovers that he is better than she ever imagined. And how long can it all last. *first in series*
1. Chapter 1

Raven isn't as anti social as everyone thinks she is. She actually enjoys going out and having a couple of drinks, going dancing, concerts, especially after having found a way to block her powers connection to her emotions while she is around so many people. But the reason no one knows she likes these things is because she enjoys having a good time and you can't do that as Raven, second in command of the Teen Titans. She would rather go incognito so no one knows she is Raven, but her friends are a dead giveaway, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire can't exactly look like someone else and Robin would never take his mask off, so a fifth person with them would clearly be her.

Rather than hurting their feelings by telling them she wanted to go out, just not with them, she joined a "book club" that met once a week. In reality Raven and her close friend Jinx go out every week. Since Jinx has played both bad and good guy she never really spent social time with any of her accomplices or team mates which meant she could go anywhere with anyone and no one would assume they were a hero or villain.

Raven also had a distinct look, not many people have indigo eyes, purple hair could be quite common, but the eyes were pretty distinct. When Raven would arrive at Jinx's house she would put in contacts changing her eyes from her deep indigo to an emerald green, she would use her powers to alter the way people perceived her appearance, her hair appeared black with purple streaks reaching to the middle of her back, her skin now had a pink hue and her chakra was concealed. Then it was always just a matter of picking an outfit and introducing herself to anyone she met as Rachel Roth. Jinx and 'Rachel' had had arrangement for over a year; they had even run into a few of their friends when they would go out and as long as 'Rachel' kept her distance no one noticed that she was actually Raven.

On this particular night Raven decided they were going dancing, she knew the team would be out at a karaoke night and then ice skating and she wanted to make sure not to run into them. It had been a long day at the tower, it seemed that there was no one who could escape Robin's anger and brooding over yet again not catching Red X. She put on her favorite pair of stiletto boots, a black corset with a see through turtleneck top, and a black skirt reaching mid calf with a slit reaching mid thigh. Of course she could never forget a piece of special jewelry. She had three pieces made, a ring, a bracelet, and a necklace. Who says you can't accessorize accordingly while still being practical. She looked at her outfit again and decided that tonight was a bracelet night. She placed an onyx cuff with very intricate designs on her wrist, she felt it the instant her power was blocked, the natural hum she felt around her as an empath died out. At first this was always an unsettling feeling but after a few moments she got used to it again.

She had discovered the process of separating her emotions the way she discovered everything, through deep meditations. After so many instances of her emotions creating problems with her power she had devoted her thoughts and meditations to finding a way to control them without creating a built up pressure from them. She found no real answer to her problem besides sitting in meditation. That is when she got the idea. She tested many different mineral and metals to find which would be best and found that Onyx was the one the most responded to her. So she set to the task of creating a vessel that could hold her meditation. She made each piece of jewelry herself by hand, the process took her almost a full year, she had to be slow and work it properly, meditating through each step so that the onyx could absorb the meditation and resonate it back. To give the items even more power she carved individual spells into the jewelry, by looking at them one might think they were simply designs but Raven could see each word, each request to separate power and emotion. After it was done she tested it on her team, interacting with them while wearing one of the items, it was clear immediately that it worked. Her initial thought was that perhaps she should wear them all the time to make sure no one suffered from a loss of control. But the first time she went into battle wearing the jewelry she knew it was a mistake. She could still use most of her powers but being separated from her emotion she lost most of the strength in her own magic, and lost the ability to read and predict the opponent all together. It was an interesting lesson to learn, she actually needed her emotions. After a trip to Nevermore she decided that she would use the jewelry as a way to explore the social world. Now almost a year later she was still exploring, and enjoying every moment.

They had been at the club an hour Jinx was on the dance floor as always having the time of her life, Raven was laughing as she walked to the bar for a bottle of water, she looked back and watched her friend for a moment smiling at the amount of fun she was having. She turned back to the bar and saw a martini sitting in front of her not a bottle of water.

"Hey Charlie you gave me someone else's drink!" she shouted to the girl behind the counter.

"No doll that's your drink. Gentleman down at the end there sent it over special delivery."

Raven looked down at the drink again then glanced to the end of the bar where Charlie was pointing, there she found a good looking man, probably 22 maybe 23, tall, black hair with blonde highlights. He raised his drink to her and smiled again. Raven grabbed the martini and made her way over to him.

"I'm really more of a jack and coke kind of girl," She said with a seductive smile as she set the martini down next to him. "But this was definitely a better choice."

"Only the best for such a beautiful creature." His voice oozed with pride at his success.

"Yea.. I bet you're a pretty special creature too." Raven brought her hand up to run down his arm. "Here's the thing though. I don't like being drugged."

The man looked up at her with shock written across his face. His eyes had widened and his mouth sat agape.

"Yea, the white powder and little white chunks are a clear giveaway that you're a creep trying to drug me so you can take advantage."

He just stared up at her completely shocked that he had been caught and that this conversation was happening at all. Raven smiled at him then turned to the bar and grabbed the martini.

"Charlie! Hey hon, did this creep happen to pay for his drinks with a credit card?"

"Uh yea, did you guys need something else added to the bill?"

"Nope, but you're going to need to call the cops and pull his receipt, also will you set this aside for them they are going to want to run a drug screen on it. Mr. Good Time here is going to have to explain why he's dropping pills in drinks he sends to the women in here." Raven said without glancing at the man who had sent the drink.

"Ronnie! I need you to take this guy right here to the back and keep a hold of him. Don't let him out of your sight. I gotta get the cops down here, I'll explain later." Charlie shouted to the bouncer as he took the man away. She reached under the counter and pulled out a plastic cup with a lid and zip lock bag; she poured the drink into the cup and placed the martini glass into the bag. "Rach I'm so sorry about that I had no clue he put something in the drink. I'll get the cops down here immediately."

"No problem Charlie. But you owe me one." Raven said as she reached over the counter and grabbed a bottle of water smiling at Charlie. Charlie laughed as she called over a replacement and walked to the back office.

"So, police academy or med school?" asked the man sitting next to Raven.

"What?" she replied a little surprised she hadn't noticed he was sitting there before.

"Well that was quite impressive, you saw the trap immediately and you acted on it, in a very calm and practiced manner. My guess is either you're training to be a cop so you have learned what to expect and how to handle these situations or you're a med student so you realized right away that something was wrong with your drink. And it's been my experience that most med students are pretty cocky so that would explain thinking you could go into any situation and come out without a problem,"

Raven couldn't help but to laugh out loud. "Well I think if I was a med a student I should be quite offended right now." She looked at him, he had dirty blonde hair with some brown mixed in, stood probably about 5'10" maybe 5'11", nice body he clearly took care of himself, and he had beautiful ice blue eyes.

He smiled at her. "So I take it that means you aren't a med student. So a mini cop then?"

"Not quite, I'm an English major actually."

"Well aren't you full of surprises, so how does a bookworm know how to handle herself so well?" He turned in his stool now completely facing her; Raven could see that he was taking her in for the first time, really looking at the person in front of him.

"A bookworm huh? That's a bit of an assumption don't you think?"

"Come on you are an openly admitted English major, isn't it a requirement that you be a bookworm?" he laughed.

She stared at him a moment but couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips he had a gorgeous smile. "I guess you have a point. It's pretty easy to figure out how to handle a situation if you just think it through. I didn't do anything special."

He looked at her, a look went across his face, and he was clearly thinking something through. For the first time Raven wished she had left the jewelry at home so she could understand what the look meant. He straightened up and reached a hand out to her.

"Eric Larson."

"Rachel Roth." Raven reached out and shook his hand, something inside of her stirred at the touch.

"Well Rachel any chance I can convince you to dance with me?" he smiled at her, a mischievous smile that told her two things, he was going to be a lot of fun, and that smile was going to cause her a lot of trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

"So how long has it been now?" asked Jinx as she curled the last few strands of Raven's hair.

"Almost six months." Smiled Raven.

"Wow.. So you and Eric have been dating for almost six months and you still haven't told him you're Raven?"

"No I haven't told him. I enjoy his company; if he knows who I am everything changes."

"How does he not know? I mean what about your powers?"

"I told you my jewelry keeps my powers and emotions separate, even if I get really upset nothing goes boom."

"But what about when you get really excited, and you aren't wearing your jewelry." Jinx asked playfully with a smile. Raven's pale ashen skin flooded with bright pink tones.

"We haven't done that." Raven said embarrassed.

"Why not!? It's been six months! He is a gorgeous man, have you seen that body?!" She exclaimed.

"Of course I have! Believe me I am very aware of his attractive qualities. But I am not ready to tell him who I am, and I'm pretty sure he'd notice the black energy making things explode."

"Not if you're doing it right.."

"Jinx!"

"I'm just messing with you! Alright, alright I'm done. So where does the team think you've been going all this time, I mean they can't really think your 'book club' is meeting 3 or 4 times a week."

"They know I like my privacy so they don't ask too many questions, but no they think I am taking classes at the college on Wednesdays and Thursdays I am a volunteer tutor at the college, of course Friday is still book club. I just make something up if we get together another time in the week. Usually as long as I promise Boy Blunder that I will keep my communicator on in case of emergency they have no problem with my excuses."

"My my Raven if I was anyone else I might say you have gotten a little too good at lying. But I'm not, so instead I will just say, you might be able to keep the ring on in bed ya know.. Just a thought." Jinx ran out of the room giggling as she heard the sound of a vase crashing against a wall and crackling with dark energy. Raven sat blushing but unable to help glancing down at the jewelry box where her ring was safely hidden away.


	3. Chapter 3

"How was I supposed to know they were talking about a book, there was a movie too ya know." Eric laughed as he walked through the park holding Raven's hand.

"Oh I don't know maybe the fact that they were all English majors having a discussion? Wasn't that the first thing you even said to me was that I was required to be a bookworm if I was an English major." Raven laughed at him.

"Glad to see my humiliation is so entertaining to you." He smiled at her, then stopped and pulled her close, "and before I called you a bookworm, I said you were impressive."

Eric wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to touch his lips to hers softly. She immediately responded to him. She pressed herself into the curve of his body, his tongue traced her lips a soft request that she granted. Their tongues danced together, his hands traced her sides up and down. She felt warmth stirring inside of her, a need, she could hear the whispers from Lust, "_please, please, we want him, please."_ His mouth moved in a line of kisses from her mouth, to her jaw, to her neck, his lips were soft against her skin the warmth of his breath sent chills down her spine. She wanted more, needed more, her eyes went down to her hand, there on her finger she wore an onyx ring covered in intricate designs. She brought his mouth to hers and kissed him softly then deeply. She poured herself into the kiss, letting out all the desire she had for him. He gave back just as much, their passions consuming their kiss until they both had a desperate need for air, and still neither wanted the kiss to end. After their lips separated and they each took a breath, they locked eyes. She stared into his beautiful blue eyes and knew that he was all she wanted, to look into those eyes, kiss those lips, hear his voice. They closed the space between them again eagerly letting their passion run through them again. He pulled away after a few moments, he just looked at her.

"I have never had a kiss like that before." He caressed her cheek his hand was warm against her skin, her body was still humming with excitement from their kiss but every new touch just added to the excitement. "You are amazing. I don't have the words to tell you what you have done for me, how you make me feel."

Raven looked back at him; she smiled and kissed him softly. "I know what you mean."

They smiled happily at each other and as their lips were just about to meet again a phone rang loudly from Raven's pocket. She let out an audible sigh and dropped her head to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, give me a minute ok? I'm sorry I just, I have to get this." Raven said as she pulled the phone out of her pocket and walked a feet away from him and answered the call.

He couldn't hear her conversation, he probably could if he tried, but his focus was on calming his pounding heart. He wanted her so much; he craved her touch, needed to feel the warmth of her skin. He had never felt this way about anyone before. She was a part of him now. He looked up and saw she was clearly irritated by whatever the call was about. Then he heard the words that made his heart sink, "ok, I'll meet you there. Bye." She was leaving him. He had hoped to invite her to his apartment, hoping he could finally show her the things he felt, show her the things he couldn't say.

Raven new that Robin would be angry when she answered her phone, after all she had promised to keep her communicator on and clearly since he had to call her cell phone, she had broken that promise. But she was angry too, all she wanted was to go back to Eric's arms, kiss him again, and maybe go back to his apartment. But if Robin was calling she knew it meant she was leaving.

"Yea" she answered trying to keep only her usual level of irritation in her voice.

"Raven, are you ok?" it was clear in his voice that he was trying to decide whether to be concerned or angry.

"Yes I'm ok." She sighed.

"Alright. Cinderblock is loose. He has been spotted at a hardware store just off of the Jump City Community College campus."

"Ok, I'll meet you there. Bye."

"Raven, we will talk about the communicator later." Robin said angrily before he hung up the phone on his end.

Raven let out a sigh; sadly she turned back towards Eric. She could see that he already knew she was leaving; he gave her a sad smile. She walked to him and put her arms around his neck, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, for a moment she wondered if he would hold her forever if given the chance.

"I have to go." She whispered with her head on his shoulder.

"I know." He said as he pulled her a little tighter. "But I don't have to like it."

She kissed his neck and smiled at him. "Neither do I."

He kissed her again, softly, it wasn't an innocent kiss but it wasn't the passionate kiss they had before, it was more.

"I never knew that I could be so happy. I honestly thought it was something that would never happen for me. You have given me so much Eric; I want you to know how much you mean to me. I wouldn't go if it wasn't important. I swear." She whispered to him.

"I know Rae." He whispered.

She looked up at him shocked that he called her by her nickname. Did he know? How had he found out?

"What's the matter? You don't like Rae? Sorry I was testing it out, is Rach better? Or do you just not want me to shorten your name at all?"

"Oh no, Rae is fine, sorry it just took me by surprise" she laughed. "I do need to go now though." Sadly she pulled herself away from him. "I'll call you tomorrow ok?"

"Can't wait." He smiled and kissed her hand. They each began to walk away when she called out to him.

"You know, even if the night didn't end the way either of us thought it would, or wanted it to, it was for me, the happiest day, the happiest hour." She smiled to him, then after a moment she questioned herself. "Not the way Poe meant it of course, but the literal meaning of the words, I guess it wasn't the right choice of words. Maybe I meant-"

Eric let out a chuckle stopping her midsentence. "Leave it to a bookworm to use the perfect words to describe our time, and then question it. The words, like you, are perfect. Tomorrow beautiful." His smile continued as he walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

After having once again defeated Cinderblock the team arrived back at the tower, and almost immediately Robin started yelling at Raven.

"You are supposed to keep the communicator on at ALL times! Not just when it is most convenient to you!"

"I already told you I was in a deep meditation and didn't want t be disturbed by Beast Boy wanting to tell me the latest joke he played or Star wanting to go shopping or whatever else could happen. You have my cell phone number I knew if there was an emergency you would call me there. You reached me; it's not a big deal."

"The point is-"

"Hey man come on you got a hold of her; she even got to Cinderblock before us. Yes she should have left her communicator on, but it doesn't matter, Rae, from now on you will leave it on right?" interrupted Cyborg trying to keep the peace.

"Yes from now on I will keep it on."

After a long silence Robin grunted in acceptance, he turned to leave the room when the alarm sounded again. Robin went to the computer typed in some commands and growled as he shouted "It's Red X Titans go!"

They had been fighting Red X for half an hour and still seemed to make no progress. Robin was getting angrier and angrier while it seemed Red X was in a cheerful mood. Beast Boy charged him in the form of a bull

"Toro! Toro!" Laughed Red X as he flung one of his special X's at Beast Boy it exploded on impact when the smoke cleared Beast Boy was cocooned in some kind of silk. Next Cyborg shot cannon after cannon while Starfire shot her green bolts. Red X just continued to laugh as he flung more of his X's, Cyborg was able to avoid the first two that flew at him but the third landed and promptly shut down all his cybernetics. Starfire wasn't as lucky and was struct with first X which grew and wrapped itself tightly around her leaving her unable to move her arms or legs and stuck flat on her back.

Raven had been recovering from a strong blow and was finally back in the fight, Robin continued to beat on Red with his bow staff but it seemed to have no effect on him. Raven shadow melded to a point directly behind Red X she waited until Red kicked Robin back then made her move. Before Red X could do anything her black energy had him surrounded she levitated him into the air and through him across the room she did this two or three times, then ran at him performed a series of punches and kicks, some stuck while some he was able to block.

"Oh you're so feisty dark princess." Red X laughed as he blocked another kick.

"Bite me!" Raven shouted at him as a punch landed hard on his jaw.

"Sorry sunshine I'm taken." He blocked her punch, caught her fist and grabbed her arm he threw her with force across the room, she landed hard.

Robin leapt at Red knocking him down, the two fought each other hard before Red kicked Robin to the ground and planted an X on him that bound him to the floor.

"Red you bastard! I will catch you!" he shouted angrily

"Sorry bird brain not today. The happiest day, the happiest hour, not even you can ruin that little buddy." Red X said with a smile in his voice.

Raven was filled with pain from the fall but she shot up when she heard the words that she had said to Eric just hours ago now come from Red X. She knew she should lay still, let the healing begin, she was sure she had a broken rib or two, but she had to know she couldn't let him get away without knowing. She looked up in time to see him climb out the window onto the roof. She teleported herself to the roof, teleporting had taken a lot out of her. Raven turned to look around the roof but couldn't see him.

"Oh princess, I already told you I'm taken, you shouldn't beg it's pathetic." Said Red X standing behind her. She looked up at him staring at the enemy she had fought for years, she thought about Eric, the kind, funny, wonderful man she had given so much of herself to, they couldn't be the same could they? "what's the matter sweetheart nothing left to say? Where is that snarky comeback?" he laughed.

"the happiest day, the happiest hour." She whispered.

"What? Speak louder little bird your tweets are too soft."

She pulled her hood back and looked up at him. "The happiest day, the happiest hour. I guess it's not the right choice of words." She said weakly.

Red took a step back he looked down at Raven, second in command of the Teen Titans. The half demon princess. The dark titan. He thought about Rachel, funny, smart, fiery, passionate Rachel. Could they really.. he looked at her, her eyes, her hair, change the color, it was her. His heart sank, his head raced. "Rachel?"

She felt a wave of mixed emotions crash over her. "Eric." She whispered as the darkness consumed her sight.

Beast Boy had finally chewed through the silk and wriggled out of the trap, he turned himself into an eagle and flew to the roof where he had seen Red X and Raven go, as he flew up he saw Raven unconscious and Red standing over her he was getting closer to her, Beast Boy let out a screech and flew straight towards them. Red X looked up and ran, he disappeared and Beast Boy let him go, he went to check on Raven.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm ok."

"Rae are you sure? You have two broken ribs, a concussion, and a sprained wrist. And you haven't started healing. " said Cyborg with deep concern in his voice.

"Cyborg you know that when I exhaust my powers I need rest and meditation to heal, I used all I had, between the Cinderblock fight then the extended fight with Red X right after I didn't have time to rest at all. I'll be ok. As far as the injuries I will be meditating when I go to my room anyway, in a few days I will be good as new. Promise." She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but she was just too tired to pull it off.

"Ok, go ahead, but if you need anything, anything at all you better call me immediately. Got it?"

"Got it."

Raven hurt all over. She could feel every bruise on her body. She was exhausted. None of this was helped by her massive confusion. Eric was Red X, Red X was Eric. How could this have happened, how did she end up in a relationship with a villain, and what did this mean? Her head hurt, she needed to think, sort through her thoughts and feelings, and she needed to heal. Her door swished open and closed immediately after she entered her room. She took a step and stopped.

"Show yourself. I know you are here." Raven had nothing left, no power to defend herself, no strength to fight, somehow she knew she wouldn't need to.

Red X stepped into the moonlight that streamed through her window, for a second her breath caught, but just as quick she remembered. He reached his hands up to his mask, even though she knew already what she would see her heart caught in her throat as she waited. Then there he was, the man who had been in her thoughts everyday for six months. Eric stood before her in his Red X uniform and all she wanted was for him to hold her.

He watched from the shadows as she stepped into the room, his heart ached at the obvious pain in each step she took, her wrist was wrapped and the way she held her body she must have broken ribs. He could see bruises all over her exposed flesh; the lips he had kissed hours ago now had a bruise and cut touching their edge. He had done this to her. His mind immediately ran through all the times Rachel had cancelled an afternoon date the day after he had battled the Titans sadness crashed over him as he realized she had needed the time to heal the wounds he had inflicted on her.

She knew he was there, told him to move into the light. He did, he stood there for a moment then reached up and pulled off his mask. He was afraid to look at her. Afraid to see what she saw when she looked at him. Would she look at him with anger or fear? Did it matter? She would leave him now. She was a hero, he was a villain. His heart was broken, but he needed to know that she was ok.

"How bad is it." He whispered, still not looking at her.

"Two broken ribs, a concussion, and a sprained wrist. Bumps and bruises." She answered, there was no point in lying, he would know anyway.

"Can you heal yourself?"

"No." She saw his body tighten "Not yet. We went to fight you immediately after having fought extensively with Cinderblock, I was worn out, and the fight with you was more than expected. I used the last of my power to teleport to the roof when I realized.. when I knew."

"I didn't know.. I never would have.. I'm sorry." His heart fell, every part of him hurt; he didn't know it was possible to feel so much pain at once.

"I need rest. I can't heal without regaining my power; I need rest to do that. I am so tired." She was, all she wanted was to sleep. Everything else could wait.

"I understand. I'm sorry." He turned toward the window to leave.

"No" Raven whispered. He turned around and looked at her with confusion; there were sad tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to go."

"Raven, I did this to you. I-"

"No. He did" Raven said pointing to his mask."You're not him. Not right now. Right now, you are Eric and I am Rachel, and all I want is for you to hold me. I can't handle anything else right now. Please, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but tonight, tonight I need Eric." She felt the tears running down the side of her face.

Eric dropped the mask and walked over to her he wiped her tear away, and hugged her, he held her to him softly. He didn't want to let her go, he was afraid of what would happen if he did.

Raven felt so right in his arms, so close, so calm. He was warm, caring, he was Eric. She looked up at him, his eyes were closed but she could see the pain he was holding. He was just as hurt at the revelation as she was, only his pain was because he had hurt her. She brought her hand up to his cheek, his face leaned into it, his eyes opened slowly and met hers.

She saw Eric.

He saw Rachel.

Their lips met in a slow soft kiss. They shared their warmth, their sadness. It was her small tongue that made a silent request this time, he granted her request without a thought. Their kiss was caring, it was sweet.

As their lips came apart she looked to him again, his eyes staring deeply into hers. A part of her said that she needed to send him away, but most of her just saw Eric, and all she wanted from him was more. She reached down and unhooked her cloak letting it drop to the floor, a look of confusion came across his face. She reached up to him again, bringing him to her so their lips could once again meet.

This kiss wasn't as sweet as the last, it was still soft, but there was a passion in it. He pulled her close to him pressing their bodies together. Their kiss deepened, she ran her fingers through his hair and down his back grabbing his cloak and pulling at it. He pulled away from her slowly; he reached up as if to remove his cloak, he looked at her again silently asking if she really wanted this. She reached her hand up to his cheek and touched him softly. He removed the cloak.

He began to undress while watching her carefully looking for any sign that she had changed her mind.

She watched him, watched as the layers of his suit were removed, her heart was racing. Now he stood before her in only his black boxer briefs, his body took her breath away. She knew he was in good shape, but she stared at him with such desire. She reached a hand out and touched his chest, trailing her fingers to his chiseled abs. She felt the warmth inside of her rising again.

He reached out to her, brought her to him and kissed her softly. After tasting her lips for a few long moments he ran his hands down her spine and back up, feeling the soft material of her leotard he was pleasantly surprised to find it had a zipper from the neck to mid back. He kissed her softly again as he pulled on the zipper. He slipped his fingers under the lip of each side and pulled the garment forward slowly.

While he was not surprised to find she wore both a bra and panties under her leotard he was shocked to see that she wore a strapless lacey bra and a matching thong. He gave himself a moment to admire her body, to look at her soft curves the swell of her breasts. He found her enticing, until his eyes fell upon the bruises her leotard had so well hidden. He turned his eyes from her, he stared at the floor and the anger toward himself rose again, his sadness, his heartbreak. He was about to apologize again when he felt her standing closer, she reached out to him and lifted his chin. Their eyes met, his were filled with regret and sadness, and hers held something else. He saw how tired she was, but he saw something that made him weak, something that demanded he hold her as long as she would let him.

He lifted her into his arms and carried her to bed, laid her down and got in beside her, holding her close. They held onto each other as if it was their last night on earth, neither willing to let go, both afraid of what the morning would bring. He looked down at her soft pale skin that almost seemed to glow in the moonlight, he suddenly realized this was the first night they would spend together; it might also be their last. The thought frightened him more than any enemy he had ever fought, more than any risk he had ever taken, it was the most terrifying thought he had ever had. He kissed her mouth softly, determined to savor every sight, taste, and touch he could.

Eric woke to the sound of Raven humming in meditation. He had heard her mantra repeated many times in battle, but always with a force behind it normally he knew to run, duck or hide if he heard those words. "_Azarath Metrion Zinthos_" Today her voice was calm, soothing, peaceful, it made him feel relaxed. For a moment he forgot about the night before, about finding out that his Rachel was actually the Teen Titan Raven. He forgot that he had fought Raven many times, injured her many times, and insulted her. He forgot that last night on the rooftop of his latest robbery he had seen this beautiful woman crumpled on the ground looking at him with hurt and pain as they both realized who they were. For a moment he forgot, but now, he remembered all of it. His confusion, his hurt, his anger and sadness, they fell over him like a wave.

"Breathe." She whispered across the room.

He jumped at her voice, his eyes met hers. Indigo globes as deep as the ocean, he could get lost in those eyes. His heart tugged at him.

"Please just breathe." She said again as she took a step toward him.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he looked at her again, she sat at the edge of the bed, back in uniform. Some of her bruises were gone, it was clear her powers were returning, he breathed a sigh of relief that sooner than later she would be whole again. No thanks to him.

"I need you to try to find a way to calm yourself. It is taking everything I have to keep myself calm but I can feel the waves of emotion coming off of you, I understand, but I can't lose control and I can't cut myself off from my powers while I try to heal." She looked at him for understanding, he nodded and after a few silent moments she felt the weight of his emotions pulling away from her. She took a breath before speaking again. "We are both confused right now, about everything. Perhaps it would be best to simply end things and forget it ever happened. Maybe that is what would bring us each the most peace." She was lying. She was fully aware of the voice shouting from deep within Nevermore, she was choosing to ignore it. But even she could see that there would be no peace from this decision.

He listened carefully to what she said; she needed him to calm down, to breathe. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on one thought at a time, one single thought. He saw each of his emotions rushing to be heard and pushing them back building a mental wall to keep them back. He had to keep his mind on just listening to what she wanted to say ignore what his heart was saying, just focus. After a few moments he could see her straighten a little, as if a weight had come off of her shoulders. He nodded and continued to listen. What she said next threatened to break the dam he had built in his mind to hold back his flood of emotions. He was expecting it; he knew she couldn't stay with him now that she knew who he was. But it didn't change how he felt. Every part of him called out to her, he needed her to talk to him, to hold him, kiss him. He wanted to be with her. He moved towards her slowly, he sat in front of her now and reached for her hand.

"Is that what you want Rae? If you can honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you would really be happier without me. That you could find peace if we just ended it right now and went on with our lives. That you could forget what we have, forget me. If you can tell me those things honestly, then I will go. I will leave and you don't ever have to see me again, either version of me." He looked at her, he could see the pain she was in, a part of him was given hope, but mostly it just hurt more to see her so unhappy.

"I'm going to go now; I know you need more time to heal, to meditate, to think. But please Rae, think about it, really think about it. I'm not saying everything will be perfect, I'm not saying it will work out. I'm saying, we deserve a chance to find out if it could." He kissed her hands and stood up he moved across the room to her desk and wrote something on a piece of paper then came back and handed it to her.

"That's my address, the code to the building is written underneath it. Take your time; I will be there whenever you decide." He watched her a moment, he wanted so much to kiss her again, to feel the warmth of her lips against his, to know that she was safely in his arms and wouldn't leave him. But he couldn't, she needed to decide on her own without his influence. He walked to the window and turned back to her again, she was still sitting in the same spot, her back to him. "Raven, no matter what you decide, if I never get to see you again I need you to know. I love you."

Raven turned to face him but he was already gone. With his final words her own damn was broken she could feel her emotions rushing forward screaming at her, she rushed to her jewelry box and found the onyx necklace, around her she could see dark energy already covering her books and throwing them around, she quickly placed the necklace around her throat clasping it in place, her powers dulled several books fell from where they were flying in mid air and lay strewn about her bedroom floor. She sat and began to meditate again, her healing wasn't working but she was more concerned with focus. She had to focus.


	6. Chapter 6

Eric punched furiously at his punching bag. It had been four days since he had seen her, and he had been working out almost every moment since he got home. He had tried cleaning his Red X suit to distract himself, but looking at the mask simply reminded him of the situation. He tried cooking, which was actually something he did often to relax, but after a while he was out of fresh ingredients and his fridge was out of room for more leftovers. Normally he would have taken this extra food to one of the shelters, but he was afraid if he left she would come and he would miss her. So he stuck to training, at least this way when he thought about all the mistakes he had made he could hit something.

After another few days Eric was exhausted. He had more than doubled his normal training routine without taking any of the down time he was used to, and it was catching up to him. But he couldn't stop. If he stopped even for a moment he would see her, he would see the smile on Rachel's face, hear her laugh, feel hers lips against his, or he would see Raven as he kicked her across the room, he could hear the thud of her body hitting a wall, feel his fist connecting a hard blow to her stomach. Bile rose in his stomach as the memories made him sick.

After two weeks Eric was sure he would never see her again. Now he just sat in his apartment waiting, he glanced at the door, he checked his phone. She never came, she never called. Eventually he did something he never thought he would do; he crawled into his bed and cried.

He woke to the sound of his phone ringing.


	7. Chapter 7

The knock at her door brought her out of meditation. Raven stood and walked over to her door.

"What." She asked with a note of hostility as she opened the door.

"We need to talk." Replied the masked boy in his authoritative team leader voice.

"I'm meditating. Can this wait."

"No Raven it can't, you are always meditating. So either we can go get a cup of tea somewhere or you can invite me in, but we are going to talk."

Even from under her hood she could not hide the irritation that crept over her face. Raven had no desire to leave the tower except when a call came in for the team, she stepped to the side to allow Robin entrance to her room and closed the door behind him.

"What's this about bird brain."

He looked around her room, everything was neatly organized, nothing out of place. He checked a mental inventory he had taken the last time he had been allowed in her room, there were a few new items, but everything that had been here before was still here, nothing was broken.

"What happened to your book club." he replied, it wasn't quite a question almost more of a statement.

Raven was thrown, she hadn't expected this. But she recovered quickly enough. "Cancelled. Indefinitely. To many differing opinions."

He turned to look at her. "Cancelled? You mean it was disbanded by conflicting opinions after a year and a half?"

"No. It wasn't disbanded. I meant I chose to leave. We got some new members and they weren't really interested in literature they just wanted a new place to gossip. Not exactly my thing. Why do you care anyway?" Raven said as she turned away from him to walk to a book shelf, she pretended to be looking for a particular book while in truth she was trying to holding back the conflict in her mind.

"Just curious. What about your tutoring. Or those classes you were taking. What happened to those?" He watched her carefully, wondering what the next lie she tried would be, or perhaps she would understand there was no point and tell him the truth.

She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. "Does this questioning lead to a point? Have I done something to warrant an interrogation? Didn't you make it clear that my classes, my tutoring, and my book club were distracting me from the team? Well they are no more so you should be happy, I am here full time and always ready for a mission."

She knew it was pointless to lie, she knew he didn't believe she had ever had classes, or tutoring. He may have believed at some point that she had been attending a book club, but it was clear that now he didn't. But even knowing that he knew she was lying she couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. She didn't want to think about the truth. She had spent the past two weeks trying to keep that truth locked away in a part of her mind that couldn't be accessed. Raven had spent every free moment she had locked in meditation fighting to keep her emotions at bay, she had taken to wearing her jewelry while meditating, and fought for her focus during battles. And now here stood Robin bringing the subject back to the forefront of her mind. Did he know the torment he was causing her? Did he know how much she wanted to forget what he was reminding her of?

"Raven." He whispered softly, "Raven, breathe."

She took a deep breath and turned towards him; she opened her eyes and saw the dark energy that covered almost every inch of her room, she had a moment to stop herself from panicking, she calmed herself, took another deep breath. She closed her eyes again and just took a few moments to imagine her room and imagine pulling her dark energy away from it. When she opened her eyes again it was all gone. She let out a last deep breath and looked down at the necklace she wore, the onyx stone that hung just above her chest had cracked.

_"Your crafted meditations can only last so long, this one has worn out. The others are not far behind. This was never a permanent solution." Whispered the voice of Wisdom in her mind, "We need to be heard Raven, we are a part of you. Promise to come to Nevermore when Robin has left and we will promise to keep your powers under control during your conversation."_

"Ok." Replied Raven both to herself and to Robin. After she was sure the emotions had pulled back she looked to Robin again. He stood watching her carefully but saying nothing. "How long did you know there was no book club?"

"Since the first night you went to book club." He saw the brief look of surprise cross her face, then continued, "It seemed odd that you would volunteer to spend time with, well, anyone. But I almost believed it, until you left and after a half an hour I felt something through our link."

Her eyes widened in surprise, she had long ago put up defenses against their link, for the both of them. She could still clearly remember the unintentionally shared dreams and emotions. She knew who he was; she knew about his family, she knew his secret. But it wasn't information he had given her freely, it had been shared through their dreams, in return he had received her nightmares of Trigon, her sadness of losing her home, her deep loneliness. All these things had brought them together on a level none of the other titans could understand, but it had also made them both vulnerable. They had meditated together for months to build walls to keep each other out of their dreams; they couldn't cut the link off completely. They could still reach each other or communicate in desperate moments or with intense focus and occasionally they could sense each other's moods. But it would have had to be acknowledged on both ends, as far as she knew they hadn't had contact that way in years.

"What do you mean? I haven't had direct contact with you in years, I would have known if you were trying to reach me. The defenses are connected, they work both ways."

"That was why I grew concerned. It wasn't the same kind of connection I had felt before to you, not at first, at first it was a hum in my ear then a snap. I had heard it before for a few months, followed by small leaks of emotion, nothing big nothing solid. I had actually planned to talk to you about it the night you told us you had joined a book club. But I decided to wait. And that night after the initial hum and snap there was more. Again nothing crisp and clear like before but somehow I knew it was you, I was going to call out to you, to make sure you were ok. But the emotion that came to me was excitement and happiness. I didn't want to interrupt that. But I didn't want to feel like I was spying on you either, so I doubled my own defenses put up another wall to keep your side from reaching me. After that I could still hear the pop and snap but I couldn't feel your emotions. I never talked to you about it because it wasn't continuous, and I didn't want to take away whatever it was that was making you able to feel these things without problem. But I was pretty sure it wasn't a book club. A month later my suspicions were confirmed when Jinx introduced you to us at a club as Rachel Roth."

Even while trying to process this new information Raven couldn't keep the small smile from her lips, of course he had known.

Robin caught the smile, but held back his own. He had come to talk to her for a reason and he wasn't going to let it go.

"Like I said I was able to keep out of your mind by doubling up on my defenses, but over the past few months something has changed."

Raven felt the lump in her throat and the weight on her chest, she took a seat on the floor, afraid she would lose her balance.

"I tried to keep myself apart from you; I did everything I could think of. But I couldn't keep it all out. I still couldn't talk to you because it was pretty clear that part of your life was not something you wanted me to know about. And the things you have been feeling these past few months, Raven I may not seem like a very sensitive or caring guy sometimes, but I could never forgive myself if I stopped you from getting to experience those things. All that being said, it is still pretty taxing to keep your side at bay, but I was managing because there were days when I didn't have the connection. So, Raven, what happened two weeks ago? Because I can't keep you out anymore, and the feelings that are coming through are strong, and confusing. Like every emotion you have is screaming in my mind."

She couldn't see his eyes, but she could tell that behind the mask his eyes were blood shot and dark from lack of sleep. As she looked at him now and thought back to the battles they had fought in the past two weeks she could see the weariness on him. She looked away from him to try to decide how much to tell him, her eyes caught a glimpse of a small black box that she knew held a bracelet and a ring. She looked down at the broken stone on her necklace. She couldn't help but laugh at herself for a moment. She had never thought about the small things that her powers controlled on a daily basis, her powers were deeply connected with her emotions, she could still use her powers when wearing her jewelry but they were nowhere near as strong. She had gotten so used to her shields being permanently activated she never considered that cutting the emotional tie would take them down.

"I'm sorry for the leak, but I promise it won't happen anymore. I understand what happened and again I am sorry I didn't realize it, but I can absolutely guarantee it's done, you have no reason to worry." She assured him.

Robin came towards her and sat down to face her; he reached up and pulled off his mask. His normally bright blue eyes were dull and tired; they were indeed surrounded by the red that screamed of no sleep. But they also had a sad concern in them. He reached and took her hand in his. They were warm through the green gloves.

"Rae I didn't come here because of me, I came because I am concerned about you. I know something bad happened two weeks ago, and I have left you alone because I knew you wanted to be left alone, but I can't leave you like this by yourself. I'm not here as Robin your leader, I am here as your friend Richard."

She looked at him; his concern was so clear an honest concern for a close friend. They had shared so much, some days they wanted to kill each other, but they would always defend each other. A large part of her wanted to tell him everything, to explain why she had been accidently leaking her emotion to him, to share with him her moments of happiness and freedom with Jinx, tell him about her relationship with Eric, and finally tell him the truth about Red X. But she couldn't. She didn't know if she was scared, ashamed, or just to hurt.

"I can tell this is hard for you Rae, I want to know what's going on with you, I want to help. But I'm not going to force you to tell me. I trust that you know you can come to me if I can help you in anyway. I've always been here for you, and I always will."

He squeezed her hand softly, she smiled a little. He put an arm around her and just held her. She laid her head on his shoulder, and accepted the comfort he offered. They didn't speak. It was enough for now.


	8. Chapter 8

At the entrance to Nevermore Raven expected to see all of her emotions immediately vying for control but she found no one waiting. She floated around for a while searching for anyone and finally found them all gathered together. She came down in the center of them all. Wisdom was the first to greet her.

"Yes we know this is highly unusual, normally we are bickering to who is right and who is wrong and who should have full control. But this is a highly unusual situation that we all agree needs to be calmly and rationally evaluated before any conclusion can be drawn."

"Ok, that makes sense. It's still a little freaky to see you all together, and quiet." Said Raven looking around the circle. "So, how do we do this?"

"Those of us with the strongest argument regarding the situation will each present our case, the rest of us will evaluate the importance of each argument, we will decide which course of action is most appropriate and then of course you will make the final decision. First to present is Rage." The red caped, four demon eyed version of Raven stepped forward.

"We were fooled. He is our enemy. A thief, a liar. He has always been clearly manipulative and flirtatious. How can we be sure he didn't know who we were? How can we be sure this isn't a trick to get to the rest of our team? How can we be sure he isn't lying to us now?"

"What proof can you offer that he has been untruthful with us?" asked Wisdom

"His history, his very nature as a villain. His only concern is for himself and how to get ahead." Hissed Rage

"The same could be said about you four eyes." Said a green clad Raven, Bravery.

Rage simply hissed in response.

"Bravery offers a valid argument. You have a history of evil, as do we all in association with you. Raven was rejected from the Justice League because of the part of her that is you. You are only a piece of her, you are not her. The part of Eric that makes him do the bad things he does are not his whole being. Your argument has insufficient proof, and frankly I suspect it serves more to cause doubt within Raven."

There was a small smile that spread across Rage's lips "I have said my peace, do with the information what you will."

"Raven, have you anything to say regarding this argument."

Raven looked at Rage, she knew the intent, to cause doubt in her heart, to make her see the darkness in him rather than the light. But even knowing it was a trick by her inner demon, she couldn't help but wonder if it was possible. The thought made her sick, it made her hurt in ways she didn't understand, it made her angry. Rage was smiling even more now.

"He never pressured you; he never asked more of you than you were willing to give. You felt the weight of his emotion. You know what he felt, how he felt it. In those feelings in the weight, was there any happiness at your pain, any maliciousness, anything that would give you any reason to doubt his motives?" whispered a Raven dressed in light purple, a sweet smile across her face. Love.

Raven looked at Love and wondered on her words, she did remember the weight, she couldn't sort through his emotions she didn't have the strength for it, but there was an overall feeling of sadness, pain, and fear. She looked up at Rage, the smile was fading away.

"No. There is no proof that he knew who I was. Your point is invalid. Go back to your cage." Said Raven staring at Rage. She hissed in return before disappearing.

"Timid, please present your argument." Called out Wisdom.

A frail looking Raven hunched over and trying desperately to cover herself with her grey cloak stepped forward.

"Uhm.. I.. uh. We're scared." She squeaked out.

"Please Timid we need more information, what are we scared of." Asked Wisdom.

"Uhm. We don't know if.. we are afraid… what if.. we don't want to hurt anyone!" she cried out as she hid inside her cape.

"I think I understand Timid, may I perhaps elaborate on what you are trying to say, if I speak incorrectly please say something." Said Wisdom, Timid nodding in approval. "I believe the primary fear that is presented is that of our inability to control our power when we give in to our emotions. The jewelry we made in can only last so long, and the frequency with which we have been using it has put a rather large strain on it. We fear our continued exposure to a highly emotional situation with Eric, as well the eventual confrontation or deception of our team."

"Yes! They will hate us. And we will deserve it. We have lied for so long, and now we are betraying them with him." Sighed Timid sadly from the safety of her cape.

Raven sat on the ground. She had been lying for months, telling them she was doing something when really she was out with Eric, and now he was one of their greatest enemies. Robin had known about most of the lies, he had forgiven her. He was happy that she had felt joy, but he didn't know the worst of it, he didn't know that she had been dating Red X, which she could even now tell them where to find him and take him into custody but she had chosen to keep that a secret. He wouldn't forgive that. How could she keep this from them, but if she told them they would hate her. Her friends would leave her and she would be all alone, again. Raven sat hugging her knees to her chest her cloak wrapped protectively around herself.

"They are your friends. They will always love you. Of course they won't be happy when they find out he is a villain. They will be mad you kept secrets from them, yes, they will be hurt. But then they won't be, they will remember that every time you came home from 'bookclub' you had a smile on your face, they will remember the jokes you shared from your time in 'class'. It will take time but they will understand that you have been happy. That's what they want for you. Accepting your happiness with him won't be as easy, but in time your friends will understand. But no matter what, they will always love you." Love's voice was soft and warm.

"I think we will find that we have far more control of our powers than we think. In the past when we have lost control it was because we fought for control. Each of us wanting to control Raven and Raven you fighting us back. But since you have allowed yourself to experience us rather than hide us it would seem that we have each had less need of full control. Perhaps, we can learn to share ourselves without the jewelry." Replied Wisdom.

Raven thought about what Wisdom was saying. She glanced over at Timid who first raised the question of fear, she was being comforted by Love, who now held her in her arms and rubbed her back. Raven remembered a day when she had had an intense argument with Robin. It was the first time Eric had seen her cry. She had called him almost immediately. They met at the park they liked to walk together in; she started crying before she could even greet him. He ran to her and held her. They sat at that park for three hours, he just let her cry, he had asked what was wrong but when she didn't answer he didn't ask again, he respected what she did or didn't want to share. But he held her the whole time; he stroked her back and kissed her head. Then she remembered something else, when she fought with Robin, she remembered being so angry at him she wanted to hit him, to make him stop yelling at her. She remembered the way that Rage and Bravery whispered to her. She remembered repeating most of their words. She remembered how angry she felt, but she didn't remember anything breaking. In fact other than this morning before coming to Nevermore she couldn't remember a time in the last several months when she lost control.

"We will always have fear, it is natural to be afraid. While I don't know how to even begin to tell the team about what has happened over the past six months, especially the truth about Red X, I also don't know if I have anything to tell them. No matter what decision I make about Eric, I can't tell the team, not yet. I am not ready for them to know. But I don't want to fear my powers anymore. I am going to start learning to handle my emotions, without jewelry. I don't know what will happen when the team learns everything, but for now at least, it's not their concern. Thankyou for sharing our fears Timid."

"I'm sorry I was no help." Sighed Timid as she walked back into the shadows.

"We have only one more argument, Love." Said Wisdom.

Love stood up from where she was making a daisy chain necklace for Timid, she walked to Raven and smiled at her.

"We are in love with him." Was all she said.

Raven stared at her for a moment; she knew she felt strongly about him, he was always on her mind. She felt better when she was with him then she ever felt away. But did she really love him.

"Trust me, we love him." Love repeated with a giggle.

"Is it enough?" Raven asked after a long pause. She finally asked what she really wanted to know. "Is it enough that I love him? Can I forget everything he has done? Just forget that he is a criminal and I am a hero? He is Red X! Is it enough to forget all the injuries my friends have suffered at his hand? Can I trust him?"

"Do you trust Robin?" asked Wisdom.

"With my life, but what does that have to do with anything?" asked Raven.

"You want to know if you can trust Eric because he is Red X, correct?" She asked, Raven nodded. "Robin was the original Red X. He lied to all of you. He fought all of you. He designed the suit that Eric now wears, the suit designed specifically to fight the Teen Titans. In truth, Robin often keeps secrets from all of you; Eric did not keep his identity as Red X secret from you. He kept it secret from the English major Rachel Roth, much like you kept your identity as Raven a secret from Eric Larson. You know who he is, you know his true identity and his address, and he trusts you with this information. If he, Red X, can trust you, Raven, then why can't you do the same?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Eric! So good to see you! It's been weeks, thought you dropped off the planet." Shouted a happy brunette with green eyes, she was smiling ear to ear as she reached out to hug him.

"Hey Em, good to see you too." He pulled her close in a friendly embrace.

"So what happened to you? You used to be like clockwork, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other weekend."

"Sorry, had some personal problems to handle. But Johnny called, he said there was some problem at the shelter and needed some help. So I'm here."

"Do I finally get to meet Rachel?" Emily said with an even bigger smile looking around.

"Uh, no. I don't think that's going to happen." He saw the slight look of confusion on her face. "Like I said, had some personal problems to handle."

Emily's smile faded into a deep frown, a genuine look of sadness. She reached a hand out to his shoulder and gave a light squeeze.

"I am so sorry Eric, I know how much she meant to you."

He smiled at her.

"I'll be ok Em. Thanks for the concern though. Anyway do you know what's been happening here? I can't find Johnny anywhere." Something changed in her posture, she wasn't as relaxed as she had been only a moment before, she looked tense, almost scared. Now Eric reached out to her making her look at him, "Em what's wrong? What's going on?"

"The shelters haven't been doing well lately. The donations we get have to be spread out so thin, even with as much as you help out it's still not enough. We have three shelters, a clinic, and two soup kitchens to manage and pay for, it just all costs so much. We were doing ok for a while, but you know they aren't in the best parts of town. About a month ago Johnny's office was broken into, they got in the safe and took everything, it was right after we got all our donations for the month, so it was the bulk of our income. We didn't think we would be able to afford to get the food or medicine we needed. Then someone offered Johnny a loan. I don't know who Johnny never told me, he just said the guy came to him and offered him enough for us to get by. Johnny took the deal but it was a bad deal. Now Johnny has to pay him back and he has no money, the guy started sending thugs in to remind Johnny what he owes."

"Emma why didn't you come to me? Why didn't Johnny?" Eric asked, already processing the information in his head of who the man could be.

"You already do so much for the shelters and a large part of what was stolen you gave us! We didn't want to ask even more of you." She looked ashamed.

"I get it Em I'm sorry, I just don't want anything bad to happen to you guys. Where is Johnny, I need to see what I can do about this situation."

"I don't know, I haven't seen him in a few days."

Before Eric could ask another question a black SUV pulled up beside them, one of the back doors opened and someone came tumbling out. A voice shouted from the open door.

"You have three days to get the money Johnny after that the boss is done waiting."

The car drove away. Eric looked down at the man who had fallen from the car, it didn't even look like Johnny anymore, his face was swollen from the beating he had taken, his nose was clearly broken and he was covered in bruises. Anger flared inside of Eric. He reached down and held Johnny in his arms making sure he was still breathing. He opened his left eye; it looked like his right was actually swollen shut.

"Eric?" his voice was a whisper, clearly strained from screams or crying through his beating.

"Yeah Johnny I'm here, you're gonna be ok, Emma is calling 911 right now. We'll get you all taken care of. Then I promise I will take care of the people who did this to you."

"No!" Johnny struggled he shook violently trying to move in Eric's arm. "You can't" his voice was fading.

"Johnny stop moving ok, just stop. Don't worry I can handle whoever did this."

"Stay away Eric, he'll kill you."

"Who? Who did this?" Eric was fighting to keep his voice calm, he was raging on the inside, he wanted to find them and beat them senseless for hurting his friend.

"He'll kill you.. You can't fight… Slade." His voice was a whisper, he passed out.

Eric made sure Johnny was still breathing, he was. He held him close as he processed the words. His rage was easing off. Slade. He couldn't face down Slade, any other boss in town he could have taken down, but Slade? He knew what he had to do. And as he looked down at his friend on the edge of life, he knew he had no choice.


	10. Chapter 10

"So you want to work for me?" the metallic voice sent chills through his spine.

"I want to pay off the debt that Johnny Mazerra owes you. I will work for you until the debt is paid."

"Hmm it's an interesting offer, I had Red X as an apprentice before, and that didn't turn out as I hoped."

"Let's get a couple things straight, we both know I am not the Red X you knew. And I have no interest in being your apprentice. I am here to work off Johnny's debt no more, no less."

Slade didn't respond, Eric assumed he was watching him, sizing him up, or just planning to kill him.

"I make a counter offer. You wish to simply work off Mr. Mazerra's debt? Well let's be honest you could do that in one maybe two jobs. I have a rather large job coming up that I could use your particular skills in. I won't insult you and claim it is worth the debt. So I propose this, you work off his debt with a few small jobs that will literally pay the debt, and you do my large job. In exchange for the large job I will give Mr. Mazerra a hefty donation as well as keeping his shelters and clinic safe from lesser men permanently."

Eric looked up at Slade. He knew there was a trick here, whatever this job was it clearly was not something Eric was going to want to do; otherwise he wouldn't need to throw in such a strong incentive.

"Let me be clear Red, as I see you weighing your options, you cannot have one without the other, you could try to come up with the money by tomorrow and give it to Mr. Mazerra but I think even you would find difficulty in that task. So in order for you to keep your friend safe you must agree to it all."


	11. Chapter 11

It had been eight weeks since she had seen him. As either Red X or Eric, it still shocked her when she thought about them being the same person. She had spent the past month in deep meditations trying to allow each of her emotions, save one, to have a small amount of control. It was working well. She had even allowed Love to have an hour a day to simply feel. That was all Love wanted. That was the time in Raven's day where she could remember Eric and forget about Red. She cherished that time.

She had been working so hard at her focus and control, she felt stronger and more powerful. She had more control over her attacks and power than she had ever had before. It was amazing.

She was in Steel City with Titans East. She had been with them for the past month. Raven had finally shared with Robin some light details of her current situation, mostly just hinting that there had been a relationship and it hadn't worked out. He was understanding and had suggested that she might want to get out of the city for a little while to clear her head.

Aqualad had been called home to Atlantis and Speedy had been working undercover with a government agency and they were unsure when he would return. The Titans East welcomed the extra help Raven offered.

She had enjoyed her time here. She had liked the change, she had always gotten along well with Titans East, Bumble Bee was calm enough to have decent conversations with and controlling enough to remind her of Robin. The activity of the city was fairly steady, they would get called out at least a few times a week which gave Raven enough down time to meditate and safely sort through her feelings over what had happened.

It had been so long that a part of her was sure Eric had moved on already. She knew that Red X was back to work, she regularly checked in with her own tower and read the reports Robin made. Red had been doing small jobs across town, same as always a robbery, no casualties, never caught.

Another part of her almost wondered if he had done it to see her, knowing it would guarantee him a chance if the titans were called in. But she let that thought go. She still wasn't sure if they could have a future, everything seemed stacked against them. But she did love him. She could finally admit that. She loved him with all her heart. She just wasn't sure it was enough.

Now she wondered if it even mattered. It had been so long.

Aqualad was supposed to return to the tower any day now and Raven was preparing to go home. She had determined that when she returned she would go see Eric. They would talk and find out if they had anything left to talk about. As she was packing the last of her books she heard a familiar whisper in her mind.

_"There is something you should be aware of. Please join us in Nevermore."_

It was the voice of Wisdom. Raven felt a chill. She had not been back to Nevermore since they had summoned her to discuss Eric. After that they had all worked well together. Why would they summon her now? She reached into her bag and pulled out the familiar mirror.

When she arrived in Nevermore she was greeted by Wisdom and Bravery.

"Are you afraid Raven?" asked Wisdom offering a glance at Bravery. Raven looked confused. "Raven I alone summoned you, not the congregation of all your emotions; you summoned Bravery to join us."

Bravery stood arms crossed looking straight at Wisdom.

"I am concerned. I don't know why you have summoned me, as far as I know we are all working well together. To suddenly be called here, is unsettling."

Wisdom turned to Bravery.

"You know why I have called her."

"Yup."

"And you came?"

"She called for me."

"But you know that she is not in danger here."

"I know that she needed me, and I came. I know she is going to need me more later. You are Wisdom, you should know that too."

Wisdom considered this, she was silent for a while before speaking again. She turned to Raven.

"Raven I have summoned you because there has been a change in you that you are unaware of, one that you should be aware of. One that you might have been aware of sooner had you not already been working hard on focusing on other things."

Raven stared at Wisdom. A part of her began to feel frustrated that her mind could keep secrets from her.

"You are not alone in this. All people keep secrets from themselves, lock away thoughts and fears until they are strong enough to witness them. In truth I have tried to reach out to you before, you chose not to hear me on this." She paused for a moment. "Now, follow me."

Raven and Bravery followed after Wisdom. They walked for a long time; the path covered and turned seemed to go up and down hills. Raven was growing tired.

"Let go." Whispered Wisdom.

Raven looked up at the yellow version of herself.

"Let go Raven. It is you who makes this road long and tiring to travel. You try to draw out the inevitable, making it more difficult to bring you to the end of this road where revelation waits. You can keep it up, keep throwing things in our path but eventually you will grow too tired and you will still have to reach the end. Just let go. Do not cause yourself more pain or distress."

Raven stopped walking. She took a deep breath and glanced at Bravery who gave her quick nod. She let out the breath and stood up straight. After a moment the road changed again, the large hill that stood before them melted away the path now was a straight walk of maybe ten feet that lead to a large door etched with beautiful leaves and flowers. They walked forward until they stood inches from the door.

Raven looked over to Wisdom.

"It is for you to see. Understand will come with the revelation."

Raven looked to Bravery.

"You got this."

Raven took another deep breath and reached her hand to the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Red X dashed from rooftop to rooftop, he ran down inside one building out through a window and down through another building. He ran around in as though he was being chased by the devil. He turned a dark corner and hit his stealth switch. He snuck into another room and another. There he changed out of his costume and into his street clothes. He climbed out a window and down into the dark alley below hoisting a backpack onto his shoulder that held his alter ego. Some might say his changing routine was a bit extreme, he disagreed. He had backpacks with street clothes hidden all over the city; he never took the same route twice. Easiest way to get caught was to repeat.

As he walked past one of the soup kitchens on this end of town he noticed the two bums who stood over a trashcan fire in the alley between buildings, or rather, he noticed the two guys pretending to be bums. They were clearly thugs; they took turns glancing around checking for danger. Their layers to anyone else would just seem like their desperate attempt to keep warm, to Eric it was clearly a way to disguise the weapons they carried. Slade had been true to his word, the day after Red had agreed to the deal these hidden thugs had shown up at each of the outreach centers.

Of course Eric had had to stop making his donations as often as he had before. He knew Slade would have also placed eyes and ears inside the shelters to try to find out why Red X cared about these people. He could not risk Slade finding out who he was. So he had made anonymous donations and given Emma donations in secret. He had told her he simply didn't want people to know when he was donating in case the thug from before was looking to see when the deposits were going to be made, she accepted this as true.

It had been two long months. The past month he had been doing several small jobs for Slade and a couple secret ones. He couldn't quite puzzle together what Slade's big secret job was yet, but he knew he wasn't going to like it.

He had seen the titans a few times at his small jobs. The first time his heart had raced as he looked for Raven, but she hadn't been there, or at the next, or the next. He had seen an article that stated she had been seen in Steel City. He didn't know how long she had been there but he was sure of the reason.

Eric had held out hope that she would eventually come to him. That she would see that he was being honest with her, that he loved her. He had hoped she would be willing to give them a chance at happiness. She hadn't. He had to accept that she wouldn't. His heart was broken, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had promised her he wouldn't bother her. When he finished the job for Slade and made sure that the shelters and the people who ran them were safe, he would leave Jump City for good.

After walking for half an hour he reached his building. It wasn't incredibly nice, it wasn't run down either, he should know, he did most of the maintenance there. There weren't a lot of tenants which made him being a part time manager much easier to do. Of course not many people were lining up to be an apartment manager in the slums of Jump City so they were happy with what they got. But Eric always made sure the building was running smoothly. He entered the building code and walked in, his apartment was at the far end of the hall on the first floor. It had the only access to the basement, as no tenant needed to go down there it made it easy for him to convert into his training area. He put his key in the door and turned the key. He knew before the door was fully open that there was someone in his apartment.

A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, duck, hide, attack, before he could sort them all his thoughts came to a screeching halt. As the scent of lilacs and candle smoke hit his senses, he saw flashes of his memory, the feel of her smooth white skin pressed to his, the sound of her soft moans as he kissed her breasts, the taste of her tongue in his mouth, the sight of her writhing beneath him, and always the smell of lilacs and candle smoke.

His heart leapt into his throat. He stood in the doorway unable to move, he knew where she was, she sat down the hall and to the left on his couch, waiting. She knew he was there. He gave himself time to slow his thoughts, to ease his heart, just as the last time he had seen her he walled off his emotions, he built a dam to protect his rational thought. When he felt he had enough control he entered and shut the door behind him.

His apartment wasn't very big. As you walk in you are in a small hallway with a coat closet to the right and a bathroom on the left a few steps past the bathroom is the door that leads to the basement and a few steps past that you are lead out of the hall into the main apartment a large open area that houses the living and dining room as well as an open kitchen. The kitchen was small; it had a stove with small counter space on both sides, a refrigerator, a sink also with counter space on either side. The cupboards were all above the stove.

The dining area was directly off the kitchen and held a small table with two chairs, the second chair had never been used before. Between the dining and living areas was a door leading to his bedroom. The living area was large enough for a small couch, a coffee table, a bookshelf, and a TV. Or at least that was what he had fit in it.

He placed his coat and backpack in the closet. Taking his time to place each of them in the proper place, as well as to make sure he was truly in control of himself. He closed the door of the closet and walked down the hall. He didn't turn to look at her, he walked into the kitchen grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it and walked over to his dining table, he sat down in the same chair he always did the chair with its back to the wall and facing the living room.

Now he saw her. He had expected to see Raven, the shoulder length lavender hair, the ashen skin, the purple leotard maybe even the hood drawn up. But that's not who he saw. He saw Rachel. She had her mid back black hair with the lavender streaks, her skin a light pink; she wore jeans, black boots, a white tank top and a lavender cardigan.

For a moment his resolve weakened, he thought of all their time together, all the sweet moments, the long conversations, the stolen glances. She glanced at him, their eyes met. She wore the green contacts she had always worn as Rachel Roth. His resolve hardened again. As Rachel Roth. She wore a costume. This had always been the face he ached to see, the eyes he dreamt of. But for the past two months there had been no green eyes, no light pink skin, and no black hair. His dreams, his fantasies, his most intimate and cherished memory had been filled with purple hues and ashen skin.

"I'm going to assume that since I'm not being attacked by Bird Boy and company that you aren't here to ambush me, so you're here on personal business. Drop the mask. If it's not to lull me into a false sense of security around you then you don't need it. I'm not wearing my mask, you can't wear yours."

Raven glanced up at him; he saw a look pass over her but couldn't quite understand what it meant. She closed her eyes and her hair and skin began to change, her hair shortened to its real length and went back to its natural color, her light pink skin turned to the ashen he had dreamt of. He couldn't hold back the small smile at seeing her again, but he erased it quickly before she opened her eyes again and removed her contacts. Now he turned away. He could not look into those eyes.

"Why are you here Raven." He asked as he took a drink.

"To talk."

"About what."

"Us."

He glanced up, she was looking down. He was suddenly tired. He wasn't angry at her. He never had been, he couldn't be. He loved her. Every part of him wanted to run to her, take her in his arms and never let her go. But he wondered how long she would let him. She was afraid of letting him in. He had spent the past month going over every detail and realizing that as much as he loved her, he didn't know her.

"What do you want from me Raven?"

She looked up at him; she could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

"I want to talk."

"Then talk."

He didn't know what he expected, he figured she would tell him she missed him, tell him that perhaps they could make it work, perhaps she could get past who he was, she would of course ask him to stop being Red X and to just be Eric. That it could be ok, but then she would talk more and eventually she would realize that he would still be Red X he would still have committed crimes, she would still be a hero. In the end she would decide the same thing. They could never be together. What he didn't expect was what she said.

"I love you."

His shock was visible. He was silent. His mind replayed the words over and over and over again not believing they had been said.

"What?" he asked

"I love you." She said again.

They sat in silence for ten minutes. She said nothing more, he still processed her words. He was so sure she would never return them to him. She would never allow the feelings to be realized. Again he felt the desire to run to her, to hold her, but he couldn't. His heart ached for her, and because of her.

"You are the only person I have ever given this address to. The people in this building know me as Jon. Jon Tombs. The people who know me have never been to my home, have no clue where I live. But I gave it to you who could destroy me worse than anyone. You know my real name, where I live; you know the names of people I care about, who I used to be, my family history, the shelters I work in. You know me."

"Yes."

"I never lied to you. Everything I told you was the truth. You didn't tell me you were Raven, ok, fine I didn't tell you I was Red X. Even. But who is Rachel Roth, who was the English major I spent so much time with. The tutor, the woman who had to leave me so often because she had finals, or projects to do; what about the family you told me about?"

Raven was silent. How could she have not realized it? She had assumed once she knew who he was that everything he had told her was a lie, but how could she forget all the lies she told him. Her heart filled with guilt.

"They weren't real. I didn't have a family. I made a family up of different characters from various books I had read. I was never an English major or a tutor, it was my cover story as Rachel Roth. Rachel Roth was the name I used when I first came from Azeroth. Other than that it has no real meaning. I did lie to you. I am sorry; I assumed you had lied to me too. I'm not lying anymore. I do love you. I tried not to, I tried to hide from it, to ignore it, and pretend it wasn't real. But I can't. I love you Eric."

There was silence again.

"I have dreamt of you every night that I could sleep, I live in hope and fear of seeing you everywhere I go. I read books you mentioned over and over again so I can feel like I am somehow with you. I love you. I have loved you for so long. All I want is to love you and for you to love me in return."

"I do." She whispered.

"You can't. We can't. You are Raven, you are a Teen Titan. I am Red X. I can't stop being him. Not yet. I told you the truth of who I am. Eric Larson, my father is Theodore Larson in Steel City. A rich bastard, who won't help anyone but himself, I told you he disowned me and I haven't seen or heard from him since I was fifteen. But I didn't tell you why.

I left his good graces when I learned that it was his fault an entire apartment complex fell apart with its tenants inside because he was too cheap to make the repairs. It wouldn't have cost that much but it would cost him something. He let them die. He blamed the construction crew and the building managers. My father didn't even get a slap on the wrist. I let him know what I thought of him and he called me weak. I left him and made it my mission to help everyone I could.

But Steel City knew me, they knew my face and who my father was, I couldn't help them. Besides they had Green Arrow, then Titans East. I came to Jump City and found it so much worse that Steel. At first I thought it didn't need me either, it had the Teen Titans. But then I realized you guys could only help so much, and in one way. You got rid of the bad guys, that's great but who helped the rest?

It started with a kid who had to sell something important to them to afford food, then another and another. I stole back things for people, I was good at it. Then I was great at it. Fighting I was taught growing up; I knew how to handle myself. But this city has so many of the metas I couldn't quite hold my own. Then I saw it. Or rather, I saw him. I witnessed the fight between you guys and Robin in the Red X suit. I needed the suit. I got it. I became him.

You guys think I am a terrible person, ya I might be. But I have never actually tried to kill you, I have helped you on several occasions, and almost everything I have stolen, whether you knew it or not, was already stolen. Cutting it short, Robin Hood sans arrows. I commit crimes because it is the best way I can provide for the people of this city.

Without the donations my crimes make, the shelters, soup kitchens, and free clinics of this city would have been shut down years ago. I have built new shelters with my own hands, I use the secrets I learned as Red X to protect those in the lower districts. I pay protection money for several of the small businesses down here. I keep these people alive. This is who I am this is who Red X is.

I promised you I would leave; you would never see either version of me again. I will keep that promise, but I can't yet. Red X has business here still. Business that I have to do, you are a Teen Titan, it is your job to try to stop me. I can't let you stop me. So you and I, we can't be an us."

Raven sat silently. She didn't looked at him, made no indication that she had heard anything he had said. He knew she had. She was processing the information, listening to the different voices telling her what to do.

"Eric, what do you want from me?" she asked softly.

"What?" the question had caught him off guard.

"What is it that you want me to say or do, what do you want from me?"

"Leave me."

"No."

"Forget me."

"I can't."

"I can't stop being Red X for you."

"I didn't ask you to."

"I'm not a good guy Raven."

"No, you aren't. You are a great guy. Robin Hood was a great guy, and the Teen Titans would have tried to stop him too. We aren't wrong to try to stop a criminal, you aren't wrong to help those who can't help themselves. We each do what we have to do. One day we might stop you. But I doubt we could ever stop you for long.

I didn't know before, but I do now. After I found out who you were I looked over your old crimes, I was trying to remind myself who Red X was. Trying to stop myself from caring about you, I noticed, I saw the connections. A majority of things you stole were previously stolen, I even showed Robin, he didn't say anything just took the information and walked away. If I had to guess he was arguing with himself on your Robin Hood status.

It would be so much easier to walk away from you and pretend you were the bad guy I thought you were originally, to convince myself you aren't the man I fell in love with. But it would destroy me. You are Eric, the mask you were is Red X, and that mask isn't as bad as I used to think it was.

I won't ask you to stop wearing your mask, and I won't ask my friends to stop chasing you. You are both right in your own way. But I won't chase you anymore. I will find ways to avoid the conflict with you.

Eric I love you. I want to be with you. I finally understand that. But I know I have lied to you, you showed me who you were, told me the truth and I lied, you don't even know me. Please, give me a chance to show you I am not that different from the girl you knew. Let me prove to you I am the one you fell in love with too."

She looked at him steadily. Her eyes shown with love and honesty, she was open to him, would accept any decision he made. He knew he should turn her away, make her leave and they should forget each other. He still didn't know what Slade was planning but it wasn't an act of Robin Hood. It would be something terrible. Eric didn't have a choice, if he didn't finish the job his friends would die and all the shelters would suffer.

He knew he couldn't tell her the truth about Slade, and he couldn't lie to her. He had to-

He hadn't even realized he was moving, didn't feel the motions until he held her in his arms and his mouth closed on hers. Their kiss was passionate, their tongues danced a familiar dance, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, their bodies pressed together so tightly they were almost a single form.

His heart raced with excitement, his mind flew through so many thoughts of happiness, excitement, arousal, and he saw the memories of their night together. The flash of her skin in the moonlight, the taste of her nipple in his mouth, the feel of pushing himself inside of her, the pleasurable sound of her moans as they moved together, lilacs and candle smoke.

His hands moved down her back, over her tight butt and reached her legs, he pulled her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He held her in place and continued to kiss her as he carried her to his bedroom.

They made love many times that night, and then they slept in each other's arms; both happy to finally be with the other, both keeping a secret from the other.


	13. Chapter 13

They had agreed on giving themselves a chance, they had agreed to get to know each other without lies. For a month they lived in pure happiness. They agreed never to speak of where he would be committing a crime or what he was doing, but he would tell her when, which gave her time to be unavailable for the group to take her on a mission.

They each had given themselves to the other completely and loved the other without doubt, but each held tightly to a secret they were afraid to tell. Now Eric could no longer hold his secret back, he had finally found out what Slade was planning, found out what it was he needed Red X to steal. He needed him to steal a shipment of military grade weapons and explosives from a ship due to dock in a couple days. The ship would only be in port for the night, to resupply before continuing on to its final destination.

Raven and Eric sat on his couch together watching a black and white Dracula, a movie they both enjoyed but neither was currently watching. She lay cuddled to his side, thinking to herself about how to share her secret with him, while he sat looking forward trying to find the words to explain the situation.

He reached his hand for the remote and stopped the movie, she sat up and looked at him, he sat forward elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Raven asked.

"I need to tell you something."

"Ok."

"Look, I told you why I do the things I do as Red X." he started, he saw her nod and continued. "I also told you that I couldn't stop being him and I couldn't leave Jump City because I had business to finish here. But I didn't tell you what that business was."

"You've been doing the same as you always have, I may not be chasing you anymore but Robin still has me read the reports."

He looked at her briefly then turned away.

"But I haven't been doing the same as always. I didn't pick those jobs and I didn't keep the money from them."

"It didn't go to the shelters?"

"Yes, and no."

"Eric just tell me."

He explained to her what Johnny had done and how he had offered his services to fix the problem, he did not tell her it was Slade. He continued and told her that the jobs he had been doing recently to pay off the start of the debt were really distraction jobs to keep the titans focused on him rather than the man who hired him. At this Raven sat up straighter and looked at him carefully. Now Eric got fidgety.

"I need you to understand Rae, he would have killed Johnny, Emma too. He would have destroyed the shelters and hurt a lot more people if I hadn't agreed to this." He glanced at her, she nodded understanding but the look in her eye said she knew the worst part of the story had yet to be told. "The thing is, I found out what the last job is, it's not some simple jewelry theft and not a distraction job. I didn't know what I was distracting from, now I do. Rae I was trying to save people's lives, but he's going to hurt so many more than I knew."

"Eric just tell me the rest, what's the job, who is it for?"

He told her, the job, and the boss. She was quiet for a long time.

"I can't keep this quiet Eric, I have to tell Robin."

"I know Rae, I knew before I told you. I can't let it happen; I can't let people get hurt. But you guys can't just burst in and stop the deal, I won't know the exact location until just before and I won't know which ship until he takes me there himself, but if I take a tracker you can find me. Give me a signal somehow and I will distract them until you guys get the jump on them."

Raven looked carefully at him, a part of her said this was a trap; he was working for Slade and planned to get all the Titans in one place and finish them off. But she knew that part of her, and it wasn't trustworthy. Eric was. She nodded in agreement to his plan.

He took her hands in his. The look on his face was serious.

"Raven, I know you guys are a great team, and you have done amazing things. But I won't lie to you I don't believe you guys can take Slade down, even with my help. The point of this is to stop him from getting those weapons. He's going to know I betrayed him. He'll come after me Rae. Eventually he will be able to figure out who I am, I don't doubt it, and I can't let you get hurt. I have to leave Jump City, I have to leave you."

There was a heavy silence between them. He still held her hands in his and held them tight; he couldn't look into her eyes. His heart was breaking; he couldn't see what he was doing to her.

"No. We will go together."

He looked up at her, his shock was clear on his face. For a moment he was happy a moment he had hope, but then he had guilt.

"Raven, no, the Titans are your family; I can't take you away from them."

Raven leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I love you Eric, they are my family, my brothers and sisters. They will always be my family. But I love you."

He looked into her eyes, he searched them for doubt, looked for something to show him she wasn't sure, something that would tell him he would be selfish to accept her offer.

"Eric, there is something I want to show you."

"Ok." He whispered.

She got up and walked to his bedroom where she had an overnight bag, when she came back to the couch she held a mirror in her hand. She set it down in front of them and explained that it would take them to Nevermore.


	14. Chapter 14

Raven lead Eric up the same path she had walked with Wisdom and Bravery, though now the path was much shorter and she didn't require Bravery to join them, it was just the two walking up to the door with the beautiful etchings.

Eric had asked many questions about Nevermore, about whether it was safe for him to be walking in her mind, whether she felt it or not. Finally he asked what was behind the door.

"You'll understand." Was all she said as she motioned for him to open the door.

He reached for the door after a moment of hesitation. He turned the latch and pushed it open. He stepped inside.

He stood in a small room it seemed empty at first but slowly he began to see the shapes appearing a window across from him was large letting in the soft glow of sunshine, there were light sheer curtains that held a light purple hue. As his vision pulled away from the window he could see the walls of the room were painted in shades of blues and purples almost like a night sky. A small shelf held frames with pictures in them; he couldn't see the images, a small white teddy bear with a light purple lace bow sat at the end of one shelf. His eyes continued to move about the room next he saw a small dresser painted in lilac with small dark blue flowers accenting it. On top of the dresser were a stuffed bunny and a small lamp.

Was this a child's room? He was inside Raven's mind, was this a memory? He went to turn to Raven to ask her when his eyes landed on something else, as it became clear he saw that it was a crib, dark oak with linens of purples and blues, inside the crib there was a small shape. His eyes were focused on this small shape, when two hands reached in and pulled it out.

His eyes raised to follow the arms, the ashen arms. He saw now, somewhat slowly he commented in his own mind, that the small shape was a baby. His eyes drew out again and he saw that the arms holding the baby were familiar, that ashen skin was familiar. He saw Raven holding and cradling a baby.

No.

He saw Raven holding and cradling _his_ baby. His heart jumped. His eyes widened. He was bombarded with thoughts and emotions. Confusion, fear, more confusion were at the front of the line.

"Sshh Arabella, sshh." Whispered Raven who held the baby.

Eric was caught off guard again, Arabella. Raven had mentioned her mother's name was Arella, his own mother's name had been Isabelle, most people had called her Bella, she had died when he was ten years old, he had loved her dearly.

He felt the tear fall from his eyes before he knew it was there. He turned to face his Raven.

"Is this..?"

She just looked at him silently.

"Is this real? Is this what you want some day or is this.. are you?"

Raven did not answer, he could tell she was hiding any feelings she had about the answer waiting to see how he felt, and then she nodded.

"The first night, three months ago." She whispered to him, still hiding her own emotion.

He looked at her, and then he glanced back to the image of her with his baby, his daughter. His heart swelled, he hadn't wanted this, he had never planned to have a family, he didn't think it was something he would ever have to worry about, but at seeing his Raven, holding his daughter. He didn't know her but he loved her already. He turned to Raven again and took her into his arms; he held her close whispering his love to her over and over. He felt her let herself go, felt her grip him tightly, he couldn't see her face but he knew she was smiling, knew she had tears of joy.


	15. Chapter 15

They had stayed in the small room for what seemed like hours just watching their baby sleep. When they did emerge from Nevermore, Eric held Raven close.

"Do you understand now?" she asked, "The Titans are my family, my brothers and sisters, but you and I, and we have our own family. We will go together."

Eric was silent. His answer was only to kiss the top of her head and hold her even closer.

"How can you see her? I mean I know you can see your emotions but how can you see her?" he asked Raven after a few silent moments.

"She is growing inside of me, her mind has not fully formed a link to me yet, but my body and mind are aware of her, so my mind has built her the room, as she grows I may be able to communicate with her there." Raven smiled.

"How do you know she's a she? I thought that didn't get official until later."

Raven was quiet for a moment.

"As you know, I'm not quiet human, I am half demon. That is why I can have a psychic link to her, the pregnancy will be different that a normal human pregnancy. It will take longer for me to show, when I do start to show I will only have about a month before birth. It won't take as long either, in fact, I am half way through." She answered quietly.

Eric thought about what she said.

"So, we have three months to get out of Jump City, find a place Slade won't find us make a home and set up a nursery?"

Raven nodded slowly.

"Well, guess we better start looking for where we are going." He said with a smile and kissed her softly.


	16. Chapter 16

There had been a lot of shock and confusion when Raven had told the team she would be leaving. Beast Boy had made promises of being cleaner, of not playing pranks anymore, he promised to be better. Starfire had cried and asked if she had done something wrong, Cyborg had hugged her and understood.

They had spoke briefly before and he had told her he knew she had been seeing someone, she had panicked thinking he knew everything but he explained that he saw the signs of love on her, he saw how she had let herself be happy and that he was happy for her. When she told the team she was leaving he knew it was so she could be happier.

Robin she had told before anyone. With him she had been more honest than with the rest. He knew why she was leaving, he knew she had rekindled the previous relationship, knew she was happy, and she had even told him about the baby. He was shocked and concerned. He had been concerned that she had kept going into battle while she was pregnant, but she assured him that she and the baby were fine.

He had understood her desire to leave, even given him her blessing.

After a few days Starfire and Beast Boy still did not quite understand but they wanted her to be happy. They too gave their blessing.

Then came the day that Eric feared, he sent her a message letting her know the deal would happen that night. She told Robin, she did not say who had given her the information but he trusted her to know if it was reliable.

Eric and Robin both asked her to stay at the tower for the mission, to think of the stress, she called them both idiots and told them she would never abandon her team to Slade.

The Titans and Red X separately prepared to face Slade.


	17. Chapter 17

Red X stood away from Slade, he had been told to keep watch while Slade made the deal. Red looked to every direction trying to see any sign of Raven.

Slade called out to him.

"Come on Rae." He thought to himself.

Slade called again. Red X walked back to his temporary master.

"I need you to help the men bring out our cargo."

"Right away."

Red X followed after the thugs and went toward the ship.

As they reached the cargo deck the thugs let Red X walk ahead of them, he was surprised to find the room empty; he was even more surprised when the thugs all jumped him.

Raven moved silently through the docks, looking out for any sign of trouble while trying to follow the tracer, the rest of the Titans following close behind. As they got closer to the ship Raven lost the signal. She stopped moving and looked around.

"What's wrong Raven?" asked Robin as he walked up next to her.

"The signal is gone." A hint of worry in her voice. "I put a tracer on my informant, he was supposed to be at the meeting, I was following it just fine then it just went away."

"Slade may have found it. We better hurry."

The Titans moved quickly in the direction the last signal had been. Not long after while remaining in the shadows they found Slade standing outside of a ship surrounded by his thugs. Raven looked around but could not see Red anywhere. After seeming to give direction to the big group of thugs Slade turned and began walking towards the ship, the thugs moved towards the various crates around the docks, taking them and walking away from the ship.

"That must be the cargo. We have to stop them from taking it." Whispered Robin. He held up his hand for them to wait, Slade disappeared into the ship; he waited a few minutes more, then quietly said. "Titans, go."


	18. Chapter 18

Red X had fought the thugs, it hadn't been difficult, as his suit enhanced his already impressive abilities. He saw the tracer fall to the ground, he reached for it but they kept coming, soon he realized they weren't really trying to take him down, each man that jumped at him brought a part of a rope, several men had ends as they each pulled they were able to pull him down to the ground landing directly on top of the tracer.

Before long he heard the familiar metallic sound of foot falls. He could lift his head enough to see as Slade walked in.

"Tie him up. Can't let him get away."

They immediately sat him up and finished tying off the ropes, they attached his leg to a metal chain in the wall.

"So sorry Red, I just need someone to take the fall. I'm afraid the Captain had a change of heart, seems he decided to switch the cargo to another ship before we got here so I couldn't take it from him. I had to settle for much less effective or impressive weapons he had on a different level. Anyway the problem is this. He let that other ship know that he was making a deal. He was smart enough not to say with who, but I got to figure if they don't suspect someone else they will just assume it's me. So my friend this is where you come in."

"I think they'd find it hard to believe I was the dealer when I'm tied up in the cargo deck and telling a different story."

As if on cue another thug came in and dropped the Captain on the floor in front of Red X.

"You won't be telling any story dear boy, you see as soon as I leave one of these fine young men will stand beside you and shoot the Captain then shoot you, untie you, and leave. Voila. Deal gone bad. I am sorry Red you are a great thief, but I'm afraid I simply have no use for you. On the bright side I do keep my word, the shelters of this city will remain protected and have already received a rather sizeable donation. Ta ta."

Slade turned and walked out of the room.

The thug waited a few minutes after Slade left to be sure he was gone.

The thugs had done a good job of tying him up; except for making sure he couldn't access his tools. When he had noticed their motives he had grabbed one of his sharp X's and held tightly to it. As Slade had been talking Red had been cutting away at his ropes. His hands were now free.

As the thug got near him he burst from his ropes. He took him down instantly. The others charged at him a limited fight ensued, he had a majority of the thugs down when he turned just as he was about to be stabbed in the back with a knife, the knife flew out of the thugs hand and a batarang stuck in the hull behind him. Red turned to see Robin standing the doorway. He charged in and quickly dispatched the rest of thugs.

Robin and Red X stood before each other. Red was taller than Robin, not by much. Red couldn't help but try to look around Robin, searching for Raven.

"She's back upstairs, still fighting with the others." Said Robin

"Who?" asked Red pretending he didn't understand.

"I have searched every bit of this ship looking for Raven's informant, he wasn't outside, there is no one else on the ship, and these guys, Slade's guys had you tied up and were going to kill you. Seems to fit the general requirement of an informant who has been caught."

"If I was an informant I would never be caught."

"Again I say tied up and going to kill you."

"Maybe Slade just didn't like me."

"Raven likes you though doesn't she?"

"The Dark Princess, I'm sure she does, I have that effect on women." He was beginning to get nervous.

"You're him aren't you?"

"Him? I am many people, many things, him who? The Almighty Him? I do think I would enjoy being worshipped." He needed to get away from Robin.

"The longer you make jokes and don't answer my questions the longer she's out there fighting and neither of us knows if she is ok."

Red was quiet for a moment.

"Fine I'm her informant."

"No. You're _him_."

Red stayed quiet.

"Let me lay it out for you. The night Raven was badly injured and couldn't heal, three months ago was the same night she and her boyfriend seemed to break up. It was also the last time we fought you for a while. Then she came to me with what looked like evidence that though you are a criminal, you might not be a bad guy. I kept up with that trail. I took it a step further, seems that most of those pieces that were stolen and re-stolen by you were returned to their previous owners, a reward given for each. They were all given by different names but a general appearance was the same. Then a month ago Raven and her boyfriend are back together, and suddenly whenever you pop up since then, Raven is somehow not available to go after you. Finally I asked Jinx who Raven's boyfriend is. She wouldn't tell me of course, but she at least told me what he looked like. Interesting, he matched the description of the man who returned all those stolen items. Now Raven isn't very forth coming with information you know but I did manage to get one piece, her boyfriend volunteered at outreach shelters. After a little more digging it's clear that the shelters, clinics, and soup kitchens in the lower districts all seem to get a hefty donation around the same time you commit a crime, for near the same amount as the rewards. So I say again. You're him."

The two masked men stood silently staring each other down for a long time. Red reached a hand up to his mask and pulled it off.

"I love her. I'm not using her, I'm not trying to trick her or take advantage of her. I love her and I won't let her go. So if you're here to try to make me leave her, then I suggest you kill me, because that's the only way it's going to happen bird brain."

Robin looked at him silently. He reached down to his utility belt and pulled out another batarang, Red readied himself. Robin lifted his arm in the air and brought it down hard. Red had closed his eyes, he heard the sound of metal breaking, his eyes opened and he saw Robin hunched on the ground cutting through the last piece of the chain that held Red to the wall. As Robin stood back up he gave Red a grin.

One of the thugs in the room had come to just barely, his body was weak and he couldn't think straight, but he saw Red X still alive and Robin standing before him. He pulled a grenade from chest. Pulled the pin, and threw it in their direction as he lost consciousness again.


	19. Chapter 19

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" shouted Raven as she thrust another burst of black energy at a group of thugs charging her.

Each of the Titans were battling their own small group of thugs, most of them were down, just a few stragglers left to take care. Slade had escaped but none of the cargo had made it off the docks.

She turned to throw another ball of energy when the sound of an explosion rang through the air. She turned to see fire and smoke rising from the ship; it had clearly been a lower level as the explosions continued. The ship would soon be below the water.

She moved just in time to avoid a punch that came her way, she turned and kicked the thug hard. As she took him down she took another moment to look at her team mates. Cyborg, Beast Boy, Starfire all held their own. But where was Robin, and where had Red been.

She threw another burst of energy at a charging thug when her head snapped back to the sinking ship that was becoming more and more engulfed in flames. Who had set off the explosion and where were Red and Robin.


	20. Chapter 20

Robin coughed as he sat up and pushed away the debris that had fallen on him, he searched for Red X. He found him not far away bellow a door. They had seen the grenade as it was thrown at them, they had time to run out the door but they didn't get very far. He pulled the door off of Red, he tried to wake him, finally Red's eyes fluttered. He looked around him confused. Robin tried to tell him what happened. He couldn't hear him. Red had been closer to the actual explosion.

Red was able to stand and together they tried to find a way out.

Red couldn't hear anything besides a loud high pitched tone and a hint of the muffled shouting he expected was Robin's. He stood and followed the shorter man, as they tried to find a way out. He tapped Robin's shoulder, he turned.

"Can you hear me?" asked Red.

Robin nodded.

"This ship was carrying weapons, military weapons. Slade says they transferred it all to another ship. But there is a chance at least a few where left behind, we might be in for more exciting explosions."

Robin gave a serious look and a short nod then seemed to move faster to find a way out.

There were several more explosions.

One of these explosions separated them briefly, when they found each other again they continued the hunt for an exit. After a few minutes Red began to feel dizzy, he looked down and realized he had a large shard a metal sticking in his side. He pulled it out. It was a bad move. The metal had been larger than he expected. He pressed his side tightly and followed after Robin.

They moved through the ship as fast as they could. Another explosion, now they could both feel and see that the ship they were on was not only full of explosions but it was also sinking.

Red's coughing grew worse, Robin looked at him.

"It's the smoke. Don't worry about it. Keep going." He coughed out.

Robin almost turned away, but he saw the speck of blood that came when Red coughed. Red fell to the ground. Robin rushed to his side and caught him. He looked down and saw the injury to his side. Taking off his cape tore at it and pressed the majority into the injury while using the rest to wrap it tightly around Red.

"Why didn't you tell me you were injured?" Robin asked.

Red looked at him.

"I'm guessing you want to know why I didn't tell you about the scratch huh?"

Robin gave Red an irritated look.

"I'm tougher than I look." Commented Red as he tried to stand.

Robin held him down.

"You are in no condition to move."

Red stared at him for a moment trying to piece together what he said. Robin pushed him down then firmly pointed to the spot they were at.

"We can't stay here. The ship is sinking quick, smoke and fire is filling the places that aren't under water and if I had to guess I'd say we aren't done with the booms."

Red watched Robin closely as he tried to talk, he tried to understand the words when suddenly his hearing came to him.

"-Raven!"

"I can hear again. What did you just say?"

"I said you can't move, you have lost to much blood we need to keep as much pressure applied to that wound as possible, We have a psychic link, just let me try to reach Raven."

Red had heard every other word. His mind was fading in and out. He knew he was dying. But more than that he knew he couldn't risk letting Robin bring Raven in here. If she came and another explosion happened it could kill them all. He wouldn't let Raven get hurt.

"Look the way out is just a little further up, go, she won't be able to find us down here even with your psychic link. Just go to the exit so she can see you, you can call her there."

Robin looked down at Red with hard eyes, watching him carefully.

"Just go! You're wasting time. I'm not going anywhere."

Robin slowly stood as he did he didn't notice as Red stole the video communicator from his belt.


	21. Chapter 21

Raven was exhausted, her powers had grown stronger the past three months but now it seemed a strong portion of her power was held back to protect her unborn child as she fought, she could almost see in her mind the shield of dark energy that surrounded the growing baby.

Her active power was gone; she had used it all in the fight. Just after the explosion when they thought they were down to the last few thugs a rush of the metal men Slade loved so much came charging. She had shielded and protected her friends. Now as Cyborg destroyed the last of them she sat on the ground her reserves nearly gone. She looked around again hoping to see Robin and Red but they were nowhere.

She knew that Robin had double his own defenses but she needed to find him, she used the last of her reserves to reach out to him, to break through his final barriers. It seemed he had the same idea; she had broken most of his walls as he had taken down the last.

_"Raven, we need your help, we're trapped, please help us!"_

_"Robin! Where are you?"_

_"We're trapped, I have Red with me, he's injured badly I don't know how much longer he can hold out. Please we need you!"_

_"Where are you?" _

_"The boat, please hurry, I have reached the top but there are fires everywhere, I heard another explosion. Please I need your help to get Red out; I think the last explosion may have blocked the way back down. Please hurry!"_

The link was cut; at the same time was the sound of another explosion.

Raven stood up, she was tired and weak. Her reserve was gone. But Robin and Red were on the ship. She reached down inside of her, looking for more power, she had to reach them. She found it. She teleported herself to the ship, the light from the fire was blinding, the heat burned at her flesh. She looked around trying to find them, she called out to them, and she stumbled and found Robin.

He was out, she couldn't wake him. She tried again and again. She held him close as another explosion rocked the broken ship, she reached again for the power as she felt the metal beneath them moving and groaning. She teleported them both to the dock just as the metal below them collapsed.

She gasped for breath, as the black energy cleared. She was filled with pain.

The others came running over to check on them. They tried to wake Robin, finally he coughed the smoke out of his lungs.

Then came the sound of her communicator. She reached down weakly and flipped it open.

Raven stared down at the screen, her eyes filled with tears as she saw blood at the sides of his mouth, he was pale, very pale.

"Eric." She whispered.

"Hi baby." He smiled "listen Rae, there isn't much time. I'm so sorry. I wanted so much to run away with you, to raise our little girl, to have our life together." He coughed, she saw the blood and her heart broke again. "I'm sorry."

"Eric.. no, no, no! You can't leave me..please. I'll come for you. I can teleport you out and heal you." She cried desperately.

He coughed again.

"It's too late my dark princess. I'm too far gone, I'm tired." He coughed again. "The last explosion blocked the exit. I'm trapped."

Raven felt the hot tears running down her face. Her emotions screamed to be heard, her heart thudded in her ears, and her pain was overwhelming.

"No! No! Please Eric, you can't leave me! Please! Just tell me where you are! I will find you! Please!"

"I love you Raven. Thank you for letting me see her, thank you for showing me our daughter." He gasped, and coughed. "I don't want to go. God I don't want to go!" he cried out. "I'm so sorry." He gasped again, and then it seemed as if a light smile crossed his face. "Lilacs and candle smoke." He whispered.

Another explosion sounded multiple explosions. The communicator cut out.

Raven stared agape at the black screen before her. There was a moment of nothing. A moment where she saw nothing, felt nothing, heard and smelled nothing. Then that moment was gone. Her heart broke, her ears throbbed at the sound of her own scream, and her throat burned at the force of that scream, her body filled with pain. Every part of her burned, ached, and convulsed. The world was black.


	22. Chapter 22

Robin took a few steps up the path. He wasn't sure what to expect. He didn't get far before he saw them. Just as Beast Boy and Cyborg had described them, they were all her but in different colors. Beast Boy had said they all acted different and wore different expressions as well, but to Robin's eyes they all held the same gaze.

"Excuse me." He said, the one in yellow looked at him. "I need to find Raven."

They all just stood there gazing forward, no words, no motions, nothing. The yellow one pointed forward on the road.

"Thank you." He turned to continue walking but turned back, "I'm sorry, aren't you all the different sides of Raven?"

The one in yellow looked at him then turned away and joined the others.

Robin continued down the path, in the distance he saw a door, as he closer he saw two forms sitting in front of it. He recognized the purple of her cloak, the other her wore pure black. Both had their hoods drawn.

As he approached he saw the door that was before them. It looked damaged by fire and smoke where it once may have been a beautiful wooden door with a golden color it now was covered patches of burns and black. The handle was gnarled and twisted; there were etchings that were no longer clearly visible.

He turned to Raven, she sat perfectly still, in her hand he noticed something. It was a small white teddy bear; it had a light purple lace bow around its neck. At least he knew that's what it should look like. He had seen this teddy bear in her room beside the mirror. The one she held was also damaged in fire and smoke, the bow remained a small knot with frayed edges burned. The white of the bear was black and grey, patches of fur were missing and dry hard edges remained.

He knelt down beside her. He reached out and pulled down her hood. She didn't move to stop him. She had dark circles under her eyes, eyes that were blood shot; she looked pale, if that were possible. Her form looked skeletal.

"Raven, Raven, look at me, hey, it's Richard. Please Raven look at me."

She did not look, she did not move, she did not change in anyway.

He glanced over at the Raven dressed in black, she had much the same features except much worse. Her own face seemed to have formed lines to show that she never stopped crying, and indeed she was crying. This creature made him think of death.

"Not death, depression." Came a whisper.

Robin turned in the direction the whisper came from. He found another Raven, dressed in a light purple, she sat beside the burnt door, huddled in her cloak as if cold.

"I am Love." She whispered again.

"Are you ok?" Robin asked.

"I am dying. We are all dying. She is dying."

"Please tell me how to wake her, I won't let her die. I can't let her die. It's my fault, I shouldn't have left him behind."

He saw a look pass over Love's eyes. She looked toward Raven.

"No, no don't." she whispered.

He glanced back at Raven she had moved, her eyes now looked directly at him. He got up and walked back to her.

"I am so sorry Raven. I knew he was injured, I knew I shouldn't leave him. I should have stayed with him, I shouldn't have left him."

Her expression changed, her brows furrowed together.

"You both would have died." Said Love, she still sat huddle in the corner but her voice was a little stronger.

"If I would have helped him out of the chains sooner we might have gotten out before the explosions even started. It's my fault."

"No." whispered Love again.

Raven stared at him angrily.

"You killed him!" came a scream from behind him, he turned to see a four eyed Raven cloaked in deep red. He had heard of Rage. "What did you do Boy Blunder?! Did you lock him up! Hope he would suffocate alone! Did you take pleasure as you heard his last words over the communicator! You killed him! You killed him!"

Robin move back away from Rage.

"I'm sorry Raven! I didn't know! I didn't know about the thug's grenade, I didn't know about the explosives on the ship! I'm sorry! I just wanted to make sure he wasn't using you! That he really was a good guy! I'm sorry." He sat sobbing before Rage.

There was a hiss and Rage was gone. Love moved closer to him, she reached a hand out to him. Her voice was no longer a whisper but still soft.

"What do you mean Richard, what happened before the explosions."

He let out a sob before he spoke.

"I went after Slade, followed him into the ship but I never found him, I found Red X tied up in the cargo bay instead. He was surrounded by thugs, before I could go in he was loose and fighting them, he had it handled but then one almost stabbed him in the back, I stopped it. We dispatched the remaining thugs together. He had gotten loose of the ropes but his leg was still chained to the wall. I didn't think there was any more pressing danger and I needed to know the truth.

I asked if he was Raven's informant, then if he was Raven's boyfriend, he made jokes and tried to laugh it off but I knew he was lying and I needed to know that Raven was safe with him. I told him what I knew about him, told him I knew that he wasn't a bad guy that he didn't steal things that weren't already stolen and he returned them to who they belonged to for the reward then donated to the shelters. He finally admitted the truth; he took off his mask and told me how much he loved Raven. I set him free, and then we saw the grenade."

"How did he get hurt." The voice was course and worn. It was the voice of Depression.

"We both made it through the first explosion, as we tried to make our way out of the ship there were more, I don't honestly know when he got hurt, he didn't tell me, I noticed he had slowed down but he didn't say anything, then he began coughing, he told me it was the smoke, I believed him. Then I saw the blood. He fell and I caught him. I saw the injury; there was a lot of blood. I tore my cape to pad the wound and tide the rest around him to try to hold the pressure on it. He couldn't move, he was too weak, his color was gone, and he was coughing blood. I'm not sure he could have even stood up. I told him we would stay together, I would try to reach Raven through the link and explain where we were, I would try to get you to teleport.

He told me to get out of the wreckage it wasn't far to the exit and it would be easier for Raven to find me, then we could go back for him. I didn't want to go, I should have stayed with him but he pushed. It wasn't very far, I immediately called out. As I got to the surface there was another explosion. I couldn't see him anymore. When I reached Raven I could barely think straight. I don't remember what was said. I just remember waking up and hearing her speak to him on the communicator."

"He knew he was dying. I wouldn't risk your death. Or her possible injury trying to rescue him." It was the one in yellow from the path.

"Wisdom." Said Love. She sat up next to him; he hadn't realized she was holding him. Her voice was stronger.

"He is gone." Came a voice full of tears. Robin glanced to the voice, where once sat the Black robed Raven now sat a Raven dressed in a very pale blue and one in a dark grey. It was the pale blue who had spoken.

"Sadness," said Love indicating the dark grey, "Loneliness." pointing to the pale blue. "Many of us can combine into an overwhelming emotion, but it isn't safe for Raven. Sadness and Loneliness become depression."

Robin nodded in understanding. He glanced at Raven, she had moved several times, now she was crying. And she held the teddy bear close to her heart.

"He gave that to Raven, the day after he found out, after he found out about.." whispered Sadness. She glanced at the ruined door.

Raven gripped the teddy bear tighter and her eyes slowly turned to the door. Fresh tears flowed.

Robin looked around her, slowly it seemed like the various sides of Raven were waking up and they all stared at the door. He turned back to look at the door.

"Tell us, tell us what happened after he died." This time the voice was weak but held strength in it, like a wounded soldier bleeding and dying, who still pulls his fellow soldier out of the fire.

Robin faced a green clad Raven who stood above Raven holding her shoulder as if offering comfort.

"Bravery." Said Love.

Robin looked around to the entire Raven's, they all looked at him desperately. They needed to know, needed to hear what had happened. He did not want to be the one to tell them.

"Please." Said a soft voice in a light grey cloak.

Love walked over and put an arm around her. "Timid." She said softly, "Please Richard. It's important."

Robin sat in front of Raven and took a deep breath. He took her free hand in his.

"After the communicator cut, there was nothing, silence, no sound, no movement, nothing at all. Then there wasn't. You screamed, there were no words, only a scream. It was the worst most painful sound I have ever heard in my life and it seemed to last for hours. You're eyes began to glow white, we called out to you. Your dark energy began to spread over your body, again we called out. Every inch of you was completely covered in dark energy I crawled to you. The air around you pulsed with energy. I reached out and as I touched you, your scream stopped and a shockwave of energy burst out, we were all thrown back.

After I recovered I ran to you, you were unconscious, your pulse was low, and there was blood on your thighs. We took you back to the tower and placed you in the infirmary, we weren't sure what to expect you said you wouldn't show until five months, as far as we could tell, the baby, she's gone. It has been a week and you haven't woken up."

There was a long silence.

"There was pain, before Raven went to get you. After she tapped into the energy that protected the baby there was more pain. When she realized she couldn't save him there was excruciating pain." Said Bravery softly.

"We are all built from energy, all matter starts as energy; we take form when we have enough. The body builds the energy of a new life. Raven's body was weak and tired, we broke the energy from fear of losing those we loved, we broke it again to save one we love, when our heart broke, our energy stopped building. The energy could not stay within the body. It had to be released, the power built from our anguish and the release killed our spirit. The blood was the only body that had formed." Whispered Wisdom. A normally steady and strong voice wavered at the words.

There was silence again.

Robin still held Raven's hand. She pulled it away to wipe a tear from his eye. He looked up at her.

"Robin?" she asked softly.

"I'm here Raven."

She looked at him confused for a moment. Her eyes moved around, saw where she was saw the sides of her with looks of sadness on all of them. He glanced down at the teddy bear in her hand and then over at the ruined door. Her eyes came back to Robin full of tears..

"Oh." She paused, "they're gone, aren't they?" she asked weakly.

"Yes." His voice cracked.

The tears fell. He pulled her close and held her. She cried and cried, the sides of her gathered around her and mourned together.


	23. Chapter 23

It seemed like several hours later when Love took Robin back to the entrance of Nevermore.

"Are you sure I should leave her? I could stay, I could help." He asked sadly.

"You are her most dear and loving friend and you will be out there when she is ready. In here it is us who must help. Help her remember how to be alive. She will come back to you all soon." She said with a light smile.

"Can I ask you something."

"Of course Richard."

"You are her love," he asked and she nodded, "you are the one who was most affected of all her sides, they were everything to you. Why did all the others shut down and you didn't. I know you were weak but that was because as a whole Raven was weak. I would have guessed you would have been the hardest to reach."

She smiled at him again.

"There is not only one kind of love, I am all of Raven's love. Love is the last part of anyone that will ever die. Even those who seem cold and unfeeling, they love, and that part of them will always live until there last breath. I was alive because though Raven's heart was shattered by the death of her greatest love and her unborn child, she still has family, she still has those she needs and loves. Her love for you allowed me to invite you here."

Robin considered this for a few moments.

"Are you ok? I know your love, undying and you have the rest of us, but, as you said, different kinds of love, those two, they were the greatest kind. So, are you ok?"

She smiled kindly.

"No. I am broken. I am weak. But in time, in time I will heal, I will grow. If Raven lets me I will see greatness again."

Robin was going to offer her comfort but found himself back in Raven's room. He stared at the mirror for a moment. Then at the small teddy bear. He picked it up and looked at it.

He had spent the past few weeks hating Red X, being sure he had been using Raven but wanting proof before confronting her. Then he had met him, talked to him. Red X had removed his mask, shown his face. In that act alone he proved himself to Robin. Eric had been a great man, and now he was gone and Raven's fragile heart was broken. The girl who would not let anyone in, who feared all emotion had been given an amazing gift, love, the hope of a family, and then had it all ripped away. The anger rose in him, then the sadness. She had deserved better.

Robin sat on Raven's bed and cried for an hour. After he could cry no more, he place the bear back on the desk and left the room.


	24. Chapter 24

After another three days Raven woke up. She was quiet at first. After Cyborg said she was well enough to return to her room she left. She stayed locked up for two days. On the second night she came to Robin's room.

"Raven. Is everything ok?" he asked sleepily.

"Everything is fine. I simply had a question for you."

"Ok. What did you want to talk about?"

"I do not want to talk, I just need to know what is common knowledge regarding my situation."

He stared quietly at her for a long time.

"The team all know that you had a boyfriend named Eric and that he was on the ship and died, Star and Beast Boy think he was just an average CI, Cyborg knows it was Red X, Cyborg and I are also the only ones who know that you were pregnant. Titans East knew you were out for a few days but they like Star and Beast Boy think it was due to over exerting your powers."

"Thankyou."

She turned to leave.

"Raven, do you want to talk?"

She stopped. She did not turn to him.

"In time."

"Whenever you need me, I'm here."

"Thank you Richard." She whispered before continuing down to her room.


	25. Epilogue

After a few weeks Raven became at ease in the tower again, no one asked her about the relationship she kept secret and no one talked about her time in a coma. For a while nightmares about that night tormented her, and finally she talked it through with Robin. After another few months the nightmares went away.

Raven had learned to allow her emotions a level of control, allowed them to come out and she had learned to enjoy her life. But Raven could not go back to this. Her heart ached and she was reminded of Eric anytime she allowed herself to truly express a feeling, that heart ache broke her control.

She did not have more jewelry made; she did not cut herself off from her powers. Instead she returned to her previous life, she meditated and kept to herself, allowing only her friends and team mates in and even that at a safe distance, she kept her emotions in careful check and buried Rachel Roth alongside Eric and Arabella.


End file.
